This week was more difficult than most. For the first time in months, perhaps, I felt stressed. Truly, overwhelmignly stressed.
It was not the good kind of stress that pushed me beyond my comfort zone and made me work hard at my endeavors. It was the kind of stress that made me constantly tired, impatient, and selfish. The kind of stress that drained my reserves so that I had nothing left for anyone but me.
Perhaps I should count myself fortunate not to face this kind of stress regularly. Perhaps there are some who know not what life is like without feeling this stress all the time. But I know that there are circumstances outside my control that can bring on these feelings again, so I want to do a better job of dealing with them. I want to be able to lift my own spirits– and the spirits of others.
Why stress and joy are related
I like to think of joy as resilience of spirit. It’s more than happiness, it’s more than contentment- there’s something about joy that makes it deeper and richer than any emotional whim.
When we’re burdened by numerous things– obligations, inconveniences, misfortunes and even tragedies– we can feel that our resilience is weakened. We can experience what it means to be downtrodden. And the last thing we desire to do is to rejoice.
And yet, with great joy, we can bear these burdens better. We may not be happy, but we can still choose to be strong, courageous, faithful, and hopeful for the future.
Practical steps do the work.
There’s nothing glamorous about taking practical, bite-size steps. It’s much more romantic to dazzle each other with our dreams and visions, deep desires and hopes. But the little drops that make those mighty oceans are hardly secrets concealed from us. Quite the contrary– they are plain, perhaps even obvious, and require discipline and consistency in order to work.
Restoring our joy during times of trouble can be an awfully difficult task. But I believe it can be done– not only for our own sake, but for the sake of those we love.
5 Practical Ways To Restore Your Joy
1) Be kind to a stranger.
We have this weird concept that if we expend too much compassion, we’ll run out of it. But if we draw proper emotional boundaries, this just isn’t true. Kindness breeds a type of joy that nothing else can– the act of giving stirs our hearts in unexpected ways. And when people are surprised by kindness, it’s amazing how their responses can fuel our own emotional reserve.
2) Encourage your loved ones and friends.
Those words bring life to conversations and to relationships that may have been strained by our stress. Stepping outside of my own all-consuming reality can force me to observe and appreciate my loved ones. It gives me a moment to be thankful, and it gives them a moment to feel that love in a tangible way.
3) Write that gratitude journal.
This one has become so popular that it’s almost cliche, but this strategy really does work. Gratitude expands our perspective from the minute details of a stressful situation the grander reality that we almost all have more than we deserve. And if we have someone to be grateful to, then we can choose to actually say thank you.
4) Forgive completely.
Sometimes we think we’ve forgiven someone for a transgression, but are secretly still holding onto a piece of it. Perhaps it’s emotional ammunition, or we just can’t seem to shake off that last ounce of hurt.
Lewis Smedes famously said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
5) Relinquish perfectionism.
Perfectionism is thinly veiled anger, and it is often the most dangerous excuse for inexcusable behavior. I wrote about why perfectionism steals joy and how to choose freedom instead.
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This hit home for me, lovely! Fall is the busiest time of the year for work for me and this is exactly what I needed to read. And now I’m onto reading your perfectionist post because sadly, I suffer way too much from that. 😉
Absolutely love this – don’t squash the joy!
Morgan
http://www.eenymeenyminymorgan.blogspot.com
This advice is so on track. So many people think that once they get too stressed out, the only solution is to turn to completely me-centered activities, when the reality is that, actually remembering to get outside oneself and interact with others, and create, and relinquish the need to completely control your environment–that’s really the key to joy.
Another lovely post Daisy! I can definitely relate to feelings of stress that are not life-giving or that motivate me to work harder. This kind of stress can put us in the wrong direction. It’s been quite a busy and stressful week for me and these next two weeks are going to be busy as well. I’m hoping to find joy in it all as I’m working and use the tips that you gave! I think gratitude and knowing everything doesn’t have to be perfect is so key to joy!
These really are bite-sized pieces of beauty, Daisy. Encouraging my loved ones, especially Dan, goes against every natural tendency when I’m feeling stressed. I’m much more likely to snap than encourage, and it leaves us both feeling like garbage. In the midst of a similar week, this is the one I focused on the most. I looked for chances to encourage Dan and opportunities to slip in some playful moments that reminded us of the silliness we enjoyed in dating. It can totally transform a moment and a whole day. I hope your weekend and your next week is less stressful than this one was, but even if it’s not, I so appreciate your attitude!
Here’s hoping you have a restful weekend. There are weeks which are more exhausting than others and these tips are so wonderful. I’m finding that many people are feeling this way right now.
These past few weeks have been a struggle. I love all of these tips. Writing in a gratitude journal works all the time for me. It really is easy to look to the negative, but we really do have so much to good in our life.
forgiving is so hard but it brings peace! i need to work on #1!
I always feel so happy when someone from my work building who I don’t know says ‘hello’ or ‘have a good evening’ to me because I just think that’s so kind of them to say. So I know that I need to do it more too because it can really brighten someone’s day!
The Blissful Mind | Making life a little simpler
Oh perfectionism is my main joy thief. UGH.
I love this!
Love these tips — especially the “be kind to a stranger” one! I feel like we’re all so quick to share a complaint or criticism. But, not so much the other way around. We don’t hesitate to ask for the restaurant manager when our food was cold or our service was bad. But, when’s the last time any of us have asked to speak to the manager to tell him or her how much we loved our meal?
Definitely going to keep that one in mind. I think making someone else’s day is a great way to instantly boost your mood!
xoxo
Kat 🙂
Yes! All great tips!
I find that even when I’m running late, spilling coffee on myself and feel like it’s the worst day ever if I just do one small nice thing for someone, my entire day can turn around. For instance, post spilled coffee yesterday, I stopped at Dunkin on my way to work. The line was slow, I was running late and irritated. When I paid I asked the cashier to put the woman who was behind me in the drive through on my bill. It was less than $2. I brought relief to my soul and helped me hope for a better day. I think forgiveness is a rough road. I’m currently struggling with something that happened to me months ago and I don’t think I’m ready for forgiveness. Since it happened, the person and I have completely cut ties. I’d never be forgiving them to their face. Maybe the forgiveness would be for my own self? So I could heal? Any advice?
Have a lovely weekend Daisy!
http://www.accordingtokiki.net
Sounds like we had a similar week Daisy! Hope this next one is better! 🙂