I am often not a gentle person. I’m brash, stubborn, opinionated and determined. I can be easily angered. And in my campaign to prove that I’m right, I often intimidate others into silence. This may be hard to believe, but those who know me well can testify to seeing this side of me.
But many years ago I read St. Francis de Sales’ words, and they resonated with me– because I know this to be true in my own life. When we feel strongly about something, it is easy to forget that transformation comes by invitation, not by brute force. Even we are invited into goodness, joy, peace and hope through avenues of gentleness, though we may not quickly realize it. We respond to those things that embrace us, free us, and move us tenderly.
What is gentleness, then? One of my friends once explained that it’s a posture towards something that takes into account its state of being. Gentleness, she said, is the way you handle a feeble person, or a rare book. It’s the way you pick up a soft contact lens, or a delicate flower. It’s the way you speak to a frightened child who doesn’t know better.
Gentleness is not my strong suit. When I am misunderstood, or when I don’t get my way, I (figuratively) stomp my feet and use stronger words. I raise my voice. I argue for the sake of winning– which I love. I don’t respond with a listening ear, and my vision is clouded with a sickly self-righteousness. Indignation becomes anger, which in turn becomes brute force.
But contrary to my natural inclinations, I am learning that gentleness is a revolutionary force in itself. It doesn’t push; it invites. It doesn’t insist; it listens. And in an unexpected way, it is incredibly persuasive.
Most of all, it requires great strength to be gentle. More strength, I would say, than to be forceful.
I’m not talking about stripping myself of what makes me special. In fact, my husband says he was drawn to me six years ago by my fiery passion for everything that I do, and it is still something he really loves about me. So I don’t plan to change that about myself.
What I desire is the ability to express my passion in gentle ways. I want to walk into a room and bring peace, not anxiety. I want my voice to engage, not intimidate. And ultimately I desire to grow in mercy towards myself and others.
Friends, this is my journey and I am so grateful to be able to share it with you. Gentleness is a gift that I deeply appreciate and yet find incredibly difficult. So what’s your journey? What do you desire–great or small– to become? I’d love to know!
Thank you, Charity! And exactly– I can relate with the struggles of a Type A person to be gentle and kind in all things. I love the idea of starting off a day from a place of peace. This is not easy for me and something I need to practice. Thank you so much for reading, friend!
Thank you so much Katie!! I really appreciate that. It’s definitely a journey and requires lots of grace for ourselves and others. Thank you so much for stopping by!!
I love one sentence you wrote “What I desire is the ability to express my passion in gentle ways.” I struggle with this because I’m naturally aggressive. I’ve learned that’s not always bad, but it can be toned down. Learning to tone it down with gentleness or to come across in a not-so-in-your-face-manner is difficult. My best way is to start the day from a place of peace. Regardless how rushed I am, make a conscious effort to soothe myself so I can come across as peaceful and gentle to others. For a Type A? I think it’s always a battle! 🙂
This is a great peace. I appreciate your honesty, as well as your voice.
You are truly a writer! Gentleness is not always easy. From experience,
I find a lot of people struggle with it, too. Including myself! All we
can do is do our best and move along this journey with grace, unafraid
to be a bit humble sometimes.
Miss Katie
http://welcometothewackadoodles.blogspot.com
Great piece, I think we all want to be gentle but it is hard sometimes
Lauren
livinginaboxx
Thank you so much, Chantel! Yes, the key is to ask for lots of grace and to be gentle with ourselves as well. I really appreciate you stopping by 🙂
Thanks so much for reading, Alyssa!! And I can definitely relate 🙂 Have a great weekend!
Thank you so much Katy! I’m so glad you enjoyed it:)
Thanks so much Shannon!! Glad to hear I’m not the only one:) Have a lovely weekend, friend!
Thank you so much Vanessa!! I really appreciate you stopping by and commenting 🙂
Thank you so much, Emily! Hope you’re having a lovely weekend 🙂
Thank you so much, friend!! I really appreciate you stopping by 🙂
Thanks so much Lauren!! Ahh that’s awesome– I look forward to reading it:)
Thank you so much Chelsea!! And thanks for sharing– I always love hearing from you. Have a lovely day:)
Thanks friend. Love that verse– gentleness is so important!! Have a great weekend, sis!
Mmm, so perfect for me right now. I’ve never been the most gentle person, it’s definitely something I need to work hard at and ask for lots of grace.
I’m rarely gentle. I’m a lady with a lot of fire in her, which makes gentle very hard. I think I’m going to save this for future reference. Thanks lovely lady!
I’m not very gentle either… Haha! Love this post, gorgeous flowers!
http://www.theroadtothere.me
I can have a temper as well and these words are such a great reminder to be gentle to others! Have a great weekend!
<3 Shannon
Upbeatsoles.blogspot.com
Thank you so much Maggie! I always love hearing from you 🙂
Thank you so much, my friend!! I’m sure you’re eloquent– can’t wait to read your blog when it goes up!
Thank you so much, Niamh! I know right? She was so right on. I really appreciate you stopping by and commenting:)
What a beautifully written honest post! I completely agree with you that it takes great strength to be gentle. Thanks for the insightful words.
http://www.livinginsteil.com
What a great friday post, my dear! Loving this! http://meowemily.blogspot.com
This post is so relate-able and beautiful! Love love love! 🙂
xx
http://www.petiteyetchic.com/
I really enjoyed this (as usual!). I’ll be including it in my “Happy Saturday” post for tomorrow. 🙂
This is such a great post on Friday! A great reminder and pick me up. I am working on me by also being less vocal and polite 🙂
XO Chelsea http://www.shesaidhesaidfashion.com
Aww thanks Francesca! I’ve been really enjoying your photographs– such lovely inspiration 🙂
Thank you so much, Joanna, I really appreciate it. I can totally relate when it comes to anxiety; so many times my anxiety speaks before I can settle down and think carefully. Thanks for sharing, I look forward to keeping in touch. Heading over to your blog now!
Thank you so much Sheryl, you are so kind! You are so right that it’s an art to be gentle and we need to learn to do these things! Have a lovely weekend 🙂
Thanks so much, Bree! I love to hear about friends on similar journeys 🙂 And I totally get the cynical/sarcastic inclination– tomorrow I’m uploading my first video where I talk briefly about Modern Family and how I identify a ton with Mitchell! But seriously, sometimes it’s not so funny. And you are so right that we can’t expect perfection from everyone; and with grace we can be kinder. Thank you SO much for sharing, I always like hearing from you!
Amazing post! I am praying to become more gentle. Ephesians 4:2: with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
Enjoy a peaceful weekend, Daisy 🙂
http://lovecompassionatelee.squarespace.com/
Thanks so much Rachel! And it sounds like I need to read that book– thank you for mentioning it!
Thanks so much Megan!! I hope you have a lovely weekend:)
Thank you, Katie!! I think that’s why I struggle with gentleness! I really appreciate you reading and commenting:)
That’s so great– not to shy away from debate but to express things well. That’s something I struggle with for sure; there’s a difference between being confrontational and conflict averse.
Thanks so much Kiki! And I hear you. Comparing ourselves with others can be so unproductive. Thank you so much for sharing that with me; I love hearing from you!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate you reading it– have a great weekend:)
Such a wonderful post, Daisy! Your words are so thoughtful and beautiful!
Maggie
http://www.PolishedClosets.com
Loved everything about this post. It’s raw, real and clearly full of love for not only others, but yourself also. I can be exactly the same in some of the ways you speak of. I’ve never been able to put it to words as gracefully as you have here though so thank you so much for this. x
Beautiful post! I love your friend’s definition for gentleness! So true.
SUCH A BEAUTIFUL QUOTE! I love seeing things like this to start off my weekend. Or any day really!! BTW thanks so much for the comment beautiful! Yucatan peninsula is beautiful as well!! there are so many places to see in MExico its so gorgeous
Frank Vinyl
http://frankvinyl.com/life-lately-lbdd-long-button-dress/
This is beautiful, you really have a way with words! I’m such an anxious person and it’s been one of my goals to think more before I speak and really be a positive influence on others.
Thank you for posting this! xx
lovejoanna.com
Such a beautiful post. Like you, I have the tendency to immediately respond with a stomp and puffed out chest. It is an art but I have begun to learn the skills.
Wow, I am exactly the same and I’ve been working on it, too. Sometimes I get so blinded by my passion that I honestly don’t understand how someone could not feel the same way as me and my attempts to persuade them come off as very aggressive.
This was such a thoughtful post! I’ve been on a personal campaign to be kinder. I am a naturally cynical and sarcastic person and I’ve realized I don’t like being so negative because it doesn’t feel good. Now whenever I have a negative thought about something or someone, I try to combat it with a little grace and remind myself that people or things aren’t always perfect and that’s what’s great about life.
Living In NYC with Bree
http://breebiancahill.com
I am so similar Daisy. As I’ve gotten older & matured I’ve realized not everything warrants an argument. In the book How Remarkable Women Lead, it talks about “practicing the pause” before responding. Man oh man how that changed my reactions to people. Great post!
sophisticatedblissblog.com
This is so insightful! I totally agree. It takes a great amount a strength to be gentle.
What a great read! I agree completely it does require great strength to be gentle.
Interesting! I like that – transformation comes by invitation. Haha, I’m stubborn, determined, and easily angered just like you! But I think I’ve learned gentleness because I suck at arguing to win and I don’t like to start conflict – just enjoy finishing it 🙂 Sometimes words fail me in actual conversations (because I get so angry!). So I guess my goal is actually a bit opposite of yours, to not shy away from debate and learn to argue with eloquence/passion.
Great read! Really makes me think a lot and put things into perspective. I’d say my journey starts with me caring less about the lives of other’s and more so my own life. I know that sounds a bit harsh, so think of it this way. I need to care less about how others our running their lives and focus on the life I live. The life for my family. I compare myself to others too often than not. That is something I am working on. (:
http://accordingtokiki123.blogspot.com/
It’s so insightful of you to write about gentleness when it isn’t your strongest suit, I think that’s beautiful!