FOMO: the fear of missing out. The popularity of this acronym has always puzzled me.
I suppose that, as a generation, we are more susceptible to FOMO than any other. Three seconds on our smartphones and we can ogle someone else’s photographs in great detail. We can watch their videos. We can even shop their closets.
If we stopped at admiration and support, then this global interconnectedness could be a good thing. But, when people begin to cite FOMO as the reason to make a decision, I start to wonder. Is fear a good motivator? Has it ever been?
The Truth about Fear
What exactly is fear? The words “emotion” or “mood” don’t quite capture it.
Fear has power. It can paralyze, it can mobilize, it can even delude and corrupt.
Fear is inspired by the dread of the worst possible scenario. It ruminates in the recesses of our minds, and eventually comes hurtling towards the center.
And the problem is, fear can be fed. Like a fire, it is often kindled by the very intention of putting it out.
How exactly do we feed our fears? We obey them. We listen to them. We let them control us. And as we do those things, our fears grow. Slake their thirst for attention and their appetite will only become more formidable.
The Problem with FOMO
I don’t want to be driven by fear.
I don’t want to make decisions because I’m afraid of what will happen otherwise. The overwhelming threat that I will “miss out,” it seems, never goes away. And the more I obey it, the more power it has over me.
And this is why I think you and I need to throw FOMO to the winds. There is nothing honorable about it, just as there is little to admire about any other kind of fear.
10 Reasons to Toss FOMO out the Window
Reason #1. FOMO distorts our deep desires and dreams.
All the time we spend pursuing someone else’s version of happiness is the time we are NOT spending pursuing our own. The worst thing we can do is to confuse someone else’s passion with our own.
Reason #2. We will always, inevitably, miss out on something.
Can you be everywhere all the time? Neither can I. No matter what we do, we’re going to have to skip something. Better to skip someone else’s opportunity than our own. Better to live on purpose.
Reason #3. Fear teaches us to compare and to envy.
Why do we fear missing out? Because the phrase “missing out” means that someone else is experiencing something that we aren’t. If we choose to be afraid that someone will have something we don’t, then we’re allowing ourselves to envy them for that. And don’t get me started on envy.
Reason #4. We fail to live in the moment– our moment.
Have you ever wondered if someone has felt FOMO towards what you’re doing? If what you’re doing is admirable, then enjoy it! It’s probably worth your while.
Reason #5. Fear makes us defensive, not ambitious.
Let’s pursue our goals out of ambition, not defense. Fear tells us that our biggest priority is to protect ourselves from harm. Instead ambition places us in harm’s way to show us that we are bigger than our fears.
Reason #6. FOMO turns our lives into one long bucket list.
In case you think that life is a bucket list, I hope you’ll think again. There is richness in moments that don’t count for much in the way of resumes and accomplishments.
Reason #7. FOMO takes away our freedom.
In a strange way, fear– even the kind of fear that makes us want to do everything that everyone else is doing– can take away our freedom. Rather than choosing something simply because we love it, we choose it because we’re being told to choose it.
Reason #8. FOMO doesn’t make us an expert at anything.
Usually I find that the context for FOMO is to try something (perhaps everything) once. But as a result, you’re necessarily not able to try one thing many times– to the point of actually committing to it and becoming an expert. And while all of us can easily be a jack of all trades and master of none, perhaps we should spend more time mastering something– anything.
Reason #9. Discernment is an important skill to cultivate.
If we are one of the world’s fortunate (which, if you’re reading this, you are), then we have to learn to make choices well. We have to say yes to something, and no to many things. If FOMO makes us feel as though we have to say yes to everything, then we won’t know how to say our very best yes to things that actually matter.
Reason #10. Fear is the worst motivator.
Do we really want to choose something because we’re scared to go without? Do we really want to chase a lifestyle for fear of falling behind? The funny thing about fear is that it cracks the whip, but never offers a reward. In fact, the more we give in to it, the more power it has over us. And who wants to answer to a boss like that?
The FOMO Antidote
I wish I had an answer for everyone who genuinely fears missing out. What I hope– for myself and for you– is that as we look deep into our hearts’ desires we will be able to latch onto something that matters. Something that will push us from the inside out.
Nelson Mandela is credited for saying, “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”
As we cultivate hope, we can start to lose sight of our fears. At the very least, they’ll have less power over us.
[Tweet “Let’s cultivate hope. 10 reasons to toss #fomo out the window via @daisylinshih”]
I loved these points, Daisy, especially #6! It’s hard to let go of FOMO but you’re giving me super-good reasons to do it. Tweeting this post! 🙂
Easy to remember but not always the easiest to do.
Thank you Anne! That means a lot to me! 🙂
Thanks Chelsea!! xoxo
Ah thanks Brittany!! So glad this resonated with you. And you’re so right that envy, regret and jealousy all have roots in fear and insecurity.
Yes… I think that wanting to be in everyone’s good graces can run us into the ground. It’s exhausting, but sometimes we feel like we absolutely have to have it. It’s important to remember that what people do with their emotions is up to them! If there’s anything we can’t control, it’s how people feel. And hopefully, like ours, their emotions come and go.
Yes… it’s such a good quote, and a huge conviction for me, personally. I’ve been afraid of failing to the extent of not wanting to try new things that I already think are too hard, so I can empathize with you! I’m so glad you enjoyed this post 🙂
I’m so glad this resonated with you, Christina. I also tend to think that I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum, but there are days when I feel inadequate too. Part of my goal with simple living is to be able to step out of the need to chase the same things as others, just because they’re chasing it!
Thanks Jessa! I love the expression of keeping your eyes on your own paper.. that’s a great image.
Thanks Olivia! Comparison is definitely tough– it takes someone else’s victory and turns it into our failure!
That’s awesome. I wish more people felt the way you do!
Yes, this applies to so many areas of my life– I’m realizing it everyday! I know that life has so much to offer and we can’t possibly do it all, but choosing the things that speak to our hopes will mean we shape our lives intentionally and thoughtfully!
Yes… just like YOLO. Enough already! haha. And I’m such a fan of the confidence you have in the decisions you’ve made; I think when we walk forward in the things that matter to us, those nagging doubts and fears lose their power.
Ah I’m so glad you can relate to this post, Kerrie! And as for the dilemma you shared.. sounds tough! Sometimes it’s not clear whether we need courage to push through something or we need the courage to walk away from it. I always ask myself whether a decision I’m making is giving me life and inspiration– and what kind of person it’s shaping me to be. That’s usually a good point of reference! And I ask my friends too because sometimes they have wisdom from the outside looking in. You’re not the only over-thinker around here! 🙂
Thank you so much Emily! I really appreciate that. 🙂
Thank you so much Rachael! I’m glad this resonated with you– it’s something we’re all working on! 🙂
That’s awesome. Sharing good experiences makes them even better.
Ahh thanks lady!! And I’m so glad this resonated with you… I’ve always been confounded by how often our “generation” references FOMO, and I never felt good about it. Hope your travels have been absolutely amazing. Can’t wait to see your photos and read your stories!
Thank you Abby! And it’s funny because I suffer from jealousy of expats who are living in another country whenever I feel “stuck” here in California. We all feel it! Keep pursuing your adventures!
Thank you Marcella! I appreciate that. And thanks for stopping by! 🙂
Thanks Mica! And yes, our culture seems to discriminate against introverted-ness at times– and it’s unfortunate because there is so much value in being alone and withdrawing from the action. So many creative minds were introverted!
Haha thank you Nabihah– I really appreciate that. It’s so easy to make decisions out of fear. The question “would you rather…?” is often informed by “what are you most afraid of?” But I hope we can be brave and choose out of our hopes and dreams rather than what scares us most. Thanks for reading, friend!
So glad this resonated with you, Rachel! And thank you for sharing your thoughts– I really appreciate it!
I’m so glad to hear this resonated with you Emily. I think in our twenties we often have to make big decisions that force us to choose between several things. I hope you’re able to choose what matters most to you and brings you peace and confidence! 🙂
Thanks for reading, Shireen! 🙂
Thanks Colleen! This is so true… we don’t need to be spending time envying others or regretting our own decisions!
Been away from the blogosphere for weeks now and I’m so excited to finally have a chance to catch up on all your lovely, strong words. Amazing new blog design my friend!!!! I love it!!! And this post is spot on. I’ve always felt vaguely offended by the concept of fomo and now I know exactly why.
Jessica
http://www.threadandbones.com
I usually feel like I have the opposite of FOMO. I wish my friends were there with to experience amazing things.
Shaguna
gold&hearts
Stopping over from Love the Here and Now! This is an awesome post, and something I’m working on in my life! To enjoy the moment and not feel like I need to compare myself to others as much! Awesome post <3
This was such a great post Daisy! It is so easy to get caught up in this, I know I do!
Emily
http://Www.idodeclareblog.com
This post really and truly struck a chord with me Daisy. I feel like I’m a huge offender when it comes to FOMO and letting it rule my life. I’ve definitely become more and more aware of it this past year so I’ve been doing what I can to take charge of it all but then (because I’m an over thinker) I wonder if I’m letting myself off the hook for things as opposed to rejecting FOMO.
For instance, I’m invited to a lot of events and always with a very certain crowd which isn’t one I’d like to be overly-associated with. Many of the people in this crowd are extremely competitive and not very pro-woman so lately I’ve been turning down a lot of these invites BUT I question my motives because I also happen to be a rather shy person. So, am I saying no to these things because I’m trying to find a way out when really if I tried harder I might find one or two individuals I really get along with OR because they genuinely don’t make me happy (I usually leave these things feeling pretty low) so there’s no point?
See, TOTAL over thinker!
K.xo
http://www.rarelytakenseriously.com
I love this post!! I’ve hated “FOMO” ever since I heard of it… just like YOLO. I don’t think either of those should be reasons that we do anything. We need to ask ourselves if we actually *want* to do it, or if it’s just something everyone else is doing and you don’t want to be left out. I know I miss out on a lot of things (we spend probably most of our travel days just sitting inside and working), but I honestly don’t care, because when I miss something, it means I’m working on something else that makes me happy!
This is amazing daisy! I haven’t really realized my tendency to have FOMO, but I know I do sometimes. I love what you say that we should be living by our hopes, not our fears. I think we can apply this is so many different areas of life! Thanks so much for sharing this powerful post, my friend!
The young suffer from fomo more the older people, I have found that the older I get the more I don’t give a rats ass if I miss out on stuff
This is such an important post! Thank you for writing it 🙂 comparison is always dangerous and when it gets partnered with fear…it can paralyze. I love your list. Thanks for the inspiration!
Olivia (simplylivblog.blogspot.com)
these are so true. Some I had never thought of before. I know I experience it a lot, but trying to live more in the present and keeping my eyes on my own paper.
I just want to leap through the screen and hug you. YES! This is amazing. This is going to sound silly, but even despite the name, I’ve always thought of FOMO as being driven by envy and not as much by fear. But you are so, so right. All these nasty “things” — fear, envy, regret, jealousy — are driven by underlying fear. I’m going to live by your words (and these words: “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”) today!
Yes yes yes yes, my friend! “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” Great.
Well….I was trying to find a few points that I could really expand on in this post but I can’t. You did it beautifully. All of it is so true. I love Colleen’s comment about jealously and regret and agree 100% with her.
What a beautifully written post Daisy! I agree, FOMO tends to really bring out envy and jealously in me. Which is something that I typically pride myself on not feeling too much these days. I have really struggled with jealously in the past though, and still have my struggles with it from time to time now, but I’ve definitely found that throwing FOMO out the window has made it a lot easier to just focus on me and what’s great in my life instead of being concerned about what others have that I don’t.
This is my exact thought too, couldn’t have said it any better!
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” Love this. I actually have a fear of failure that I’ve allowed to control a lot of my decisions over the years, and I’m going to start reflecting on that quote when it happens again. Really enjoyed this post.
I really needed this today! I’m facing a pretty large decision about my future and I’m trying to decide if I can deal with “missing out” if I don’t choose one of them.
I think I use FOMO in more aspects in life than I know. More particularly, putting other peoples feelings before my own. I’ve had this “fear of people being mad at me,” problem since before I can remember. In a way, it’s the same, I fear of missing out on friendships and events. /:
http://www.accordingtokiki.net
I totally agree with this! x
Reason number 2: yes we will always, inevitably miss out on something! This is such a good reminder! As someone who suffers from FOMO, it’s so important to remember to live in your moment and enjoy what opportunities you have been given!
therunawayjournal.com
I love this (I feel like I start all my comments on your post like this but I genuinely do!). Fear is a huge reason behind my decisions, unfortunately. I’m always fearful and paranoid and I’m reminded to not be. As my best friend says “stop thinking what if!”.
Nabihah | thesundaywardrobe.blogspot.com
Such a good post! Thank you for shaing!
I found with FOMO it was too tempting to overstretch myself. I’m an introvert, I need downtime and FOMO says you can’t have downtime or you will miss something…I’m starting to accept that I can’t go to everything now and that when I need to stay home, I’ll stay home 🙂
Away From The Blue
Lovely post, and such a great reminder that FOMO actually means you are missing out by worrying about missing out – what a vicious cycle! Thanks for sharing 🙂
I feel like FOMO is a nasty combination of two of the most pointless emotions – jealousy and regret. The best thing to do with FOMO is acknowledge that maybe someone else has something or is doing something that you really want and go for it yourself! Great post girl 🙂
COOCOO FOR COCO
Beautiful sentiments! I inevitably fall victim to FOMO as an expat, but I think you’re exactly right: when you have FOMO, you let fear rather than your experiences and happy times drive your emotions. Thanks for the lovely post!!! 🙂