Today, Aaron and I celebrate 3 years.
3 years since we said that we do– do vow to love, cherish, endure, laugh, adventure, advocate, serve, and give– with each other.
And it’s weeks like this (months like this, really), when I am grateful for the opportunity to celebrate. To pause and say, “This has been awesome. And I am so very grateful.”
You see, marriage has not been easy. But it also hasn’t been the emotional rollercoaster others warned us that it would be. I give Aaron most credit for how wonderfully the past several years have passed, and I’m also grateful for the lessons we’ve learned in doing life together. Today I’m sharing 3 of them.
1) You can overlook an offense.
It’s true; in a world that can’t stop commenting, tweeting, and writing open letters, sometimes we forget that we can overlook a wrong act or a moment of weakness in others. We always have that option. And that doesn’t mean that we suppress any truly hurt feelings or wait for the anger to finally erupt from within; it means seeing the offense for what it is, recognizing its level of significance, and moving forward in courage and faithfulness.
Aaron overlooks so many offenses. I am so grateful that he doesn’t pick at every wrong thing I do. And I’m learning to do the same for him, and for others: to wait, to acknowledge my own reactions, and to delay the response that follows the stimulus. This has been key to preventing unnecessary arguments that are usually just the result of us being tired.
2) Rhythm is a gift.
We got married at 23– which in our community was considered pretty young. People would joke about how we would rapidly become an old married couple, wondering how the boring years passed us by so quickly.
But the truth is, we love our rhythms. The past 3 years have entailed us both working, and Aaron studying for his Ph.D., and weekends have been our time of respite and catching up. Rhythms and some level of predictability has allowed us to entertain many new friends at our table; to take a nightly stroll in our neighborhood after dinner; and to plan adventures all over the world. We’ve fallen even more in love with farm-fresh produce and cooking, all because there’s some level of normalcy in our lives.
3) “With” is better than “what.”
As a plan-obsessed, performance-driven person, I am often asking the “what” questions. What’s the future like? What city are we going to choose? What are we going to do? What’s our next step?
But Aaron has taught me the value of “with.” There is so much uncertainty, and the “what” of our lives can change drastically. But even so, choosing to walk together through whatever comes our way has become far more valuable to me. I’ve learned to simply enjoy our “with-ness” as a pleasure in itself, to be grateful for companionship even if the path ahead is unclear. And I’ve learned to say “I am with you” to friends in crisis, rather than jumping to “What are you going to do?”
In a reality that changes with every passing day, we need “with” more than we need “what.”
It doesn’t feel like “just yesterday”.
Time has and hasn’t flown by. On the one hand, 3 years feels like just a handful of days and weeks. On the other, I know we’ve made such huge leaps and strides together– from building a community to learning more about our place in the world. I’m so grateful. Thanks for celebrating with me!
Thanks Laura!! Congratulations to you as well! <3
Thank you so much, friend!
Happy anniversary! We just celebrated our third too! Love your insights!
Happy anniversary!
Thanks friend!! <3
Aw thanks friend. Definitely something I’m still learning to live out!
Thanks friend! and 8 years wow, congratulations!
Thank you so much, Emily!
Thanks Kristen! I feel that exact same way!
Thanks Kathryn! <3
Thank you so much Amy! And congratulations to you!!
Happy belated anniversary, dear girl! <3
I love every single word of this, Daisy! What a beautiful reflection on three rich, full years. I feel very much the same way — marriage has not been easy, but it also has not been the turbulent roller coaster so many warned me about. I especially love this part: “I’ve learned to simply enjoy our “with-ness” as a pleasure in itself, to be grateful for companionship even if the path ahead is unclear.” I want to be more committed to “with” than “what” this year in my marriage. Thanks for this beautiful exhortation!
Aww, happy anniversary! What a beautiful post! 🙂 We just recently celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary and I really agreed with your last point – it does seem to fly by but you can also look back and see how much you’ve accomplished.
Hope you are having a lovely week! 🙂
Away From The Blue Blog
Happy anniversary! I love the concept of “with” over “what.”
Happy Anniversary! Love this post! I totally agree. We definitely felt like we had a rhythm by year 3. Marriage is awesome and you can really grow and change together over the years. Time does go by so fast, but sometimes it feels like you’ve been together forever.
Loved reading this post this morning. Beautiful words & very wise. 🙂
-Kathryn Miller
DownHomeDamsel.com
Happy anniversary! My husband and I are celebrating five years married today so I enjoyed your post!