Regardless of gender, color, or age, many of us care deeply about how we look. We are naturally drawn to objects of beauty and we desire to be considered beautiful. And yet for many of us, such standards of beauty are hardly attainable– at least without allowing our lives to revolve around achieving those standards. Going down that path often leads us dangerously towards sickness, addiction, selfishness and loneliness.
More importantly, whether we feel confident about our looks has very little to do with what we actually look like. This is due in part to the fact that beauty standards actually change all the time. Between the media, our peers, our families or our cultures, physical beauty is constantly being redefined. Whether it’s height, weight, shape, color or size, standards of physical perfection are always just beyond our reach, visible but never attainable. And what we struggle with is envy— for others who happen to meet whatever standards we find ourselves falling short of, and for the attention they might get for it. After all, isn’t that what the evil queen in Snow White suffered? (And by the way– Snow White was considered beautiful because she was pale as a sheet.)
I have spent a lot of time in front of the mirror. At various points I have considered myself beautiful, average, unattractive, and everything in between. I’ve desperately tried to lose weight under the guise of fasting. I’ve worked hard to perfect my makeup to hide the flaws I see on my face. I hate being tired, because I don’t see it as the result of a full and well-lived day, but as a cause for droopy eyes and sallow skin. And then I go into the bathroom and ask, Mirror, mirror on the wall: Am I beautiful at all?
But as I said, culture’s definition of beauty is always changing. Take eyebrows, for example. Marilyn Monroe had heart-shaped brows. Audrey Hepburn’s brows were thick in the 50s and thinned out in the 60s. On recent fashion runways, the models’ brows were bleached white. And now every makeup artist is advocating thick, bushy Frida Kahlo-esque brows. What’s next?
As I grow and experience the deeper, richer realities that life has to offer, I am slowly becoming less drawn to the mirror. I am no longer concerned about our cultural obsession with redefining beauty every season. I am also not convinced that any campaign for a certain body type, eye color, hair texture, or brow shape is going to solve the problem. Because as soon as we select a specific trait (even if that trait has been discriminated in the past), we alienate someone. Instead, we need to look for beauty beyond the mirror.
from Pinterest.
This quote was attributed to Anne Lamott, but I think the concept has been around since the dawn of time. To “joy,” I would add generosity, hope, peace, and warmth. I desire my face to be beautiful not for its features but for its expressions. I hope that my presence will be defined not by my shape but by what I exude. I was raised with the old proverb, “Beauty is only skin-deep.” And it most certainly is– until it becomes something rich and deep enough to touch the heart.
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This is a post that is linked to Wednesday Words, as well as a discussion on body image on Delightfully Tacky. Check out other great posts using the links!
Thank you so much Hannah! So glad you enjoyed this. x
This is a really thought provoking post! I agree that we shouldn’t have to define beauty through changing ideals but that it should remain a constant by however we define it ourselves!
Hannah x
Hanniemc.co.uk
Thank you so much Gina, I’m so glad this resonated with you! I think our faces and bodies can say and be so much more than just “attractive” or “unattractive,” but our culture likes to minimize it to that. You are so sweet, I’m really glad you’re enjoying my posts 🙂 I’m really enjoying yours as well!
Wow, yes, yes, yes! I loved hearing your heart in this post. Outward beauty is so often fleeting. Like you said with how styles and trends keep changing. I rather put energy into feeling beautiful, rather than “looking” beautiful and caring about purchasing things like makeup or clothes I don’t need. I like sticking with the basics–something I learned from traveling. We don’t need a lot of makeup or clothes to live everyday, and I think it’s so important to simplify our routines and our approach to getting ready during the day. I think joy is the perfect way to describe inner beauty and I just love how you illustrated it to us. I’m so drawn to your words and wisdom, Daisy. It is so refreshing and indeed beautiful!
I’m so glad we found each other too – it’s so fabulous that blogging has the power to connect you with other like minded women from around the world! I’ll definitely be following your journey too! 😀 xx
Wow, thank you so much Anastasia!! That is very high praise.
It sounds like we’ve had somewhat similar journeys! Thank you for sharing yours so transparently and eloquently, and for creating a blog that’s so encouraging!
That’s so fascinating about women who stopped looking in the mirror. The idea almost scares me– so it shows how much I still need to grow in this area!
So glad we found each other Anastasia! I’m so excited to be following along on all that you’re doing 🙂
“As soon as we select a specific trait (even if that trait has been discriminated in the past), we alienate someone. Instead, we need to look for beauty beyond the mirror.”
Oh my GOSH, girl. You have hit the nail on the head! No matter what we do, it seems we’re alienating someone and it’s resulting in all this cultural appearance-based tension that really doesn’t need to be there. Like you, I’ve spent a fair portion of my life looking in the mirror (or if I’m totally honest, any reflective surface I can get my hands on) – sometimes, it was because I felt I looked great but a lot of the time I was checking myself to see what needed “fixing”. It was like I was actively searching for things that were wrong with me that I could make better – and then I wondered why I felt so bad about myself!
I think most women have a love-hate relationship with the mirror, and it’s hard not to when they’re so ingrained in our daily lives. Even in the throes of my eating disorder, when I absolutely hated the reflection that I saw staring back at me – I somehow still couldn’t look away. It’s a culture obsessed!
I read a great article a while ago on a woman who decided to go a week without looking in the mirror to see what happens, and she found out that she was overall happier and more satisfied with herself, even though she did find it made her anxious at first. I’m wondering if we all should do the same thing!
Great blog, Daisy! Your writing style is beautiful and I love the thoughts that you’re pushing out – there needs to be more of this in the world! Great job!
xx Anastasia Amour
http://www.anastasiaamour.com