Gratitude: I’m working on it. It seems that outside the month of November where Thanksgiving is nestled, our culture isn’t a particularly grateful one. We’re consumers by economy, and as a result we’re constantly told to want more, acquire more, dream of more. While there is nothing wrong with more— of the right thing, that is– it can often lead us to feel dissatisfied with our now.
Aaron and I recently decided to sponsor a child through Compassion International— a program that connects vulnerable children with people who desire to be a part of those children’s journeys. Compassion’s sponsorship program has been vetted by research after many years in operation, and I am so excited to share more about this partnership once I start learning more. Our little friend’s name is Santiago and he lives in Mexico. He’ll be turning 5 years old in June!
Back to gratitude: it’s hard to cultivate. I find that often the inspiration to be grateful is based on guilt– our lives are so much better than those of others (perhaps my life compared with Santiago’s) and I am supposed to remember to feel grateful for all the conveniences and luxuries I enjoy.
But gratitude really should not require comparing your situation with someone else’s so that yours doesn’t look so bad. Instead, it’s a manner of acknowledging that while nothing is for certain and that we are far less deserving than we seem to think, good things have come our way. Somehow, despite the offenses we’ve committed, the mistakes we’ve made, or the misfortune we’ve experienced, we still live and breathe in a world in which purpose can be found. That’s worth celebrating.
Building practices: why we need habits
If you’ve been around this blog for a while, you know that I’m a proponent of both ideological change and habitual change. Without one, we can’t really have the other. Our actions are shaped by our desires, just as our desires are shaped by our actions.
So when it comes to gratitude, I don’t think we can just wait until we “feel it.” Instead, we can train ourselves into habits that help us see the realities we hope to see– the myriad blessings in our lives, the good work to which we are called, the truth that sets us free.
I have a few habits I myself am looking to build, and I thought I would share them here:
1) Regularly thanking people in my life for doing the right things.
Whether it’s my husband doing the laundry that he always does, or my students paying attention to their lessons, it doesn’t matter if what is being done is what “should be done.” There’s always the option of not doing the right thing. And I want to acknowledge all the right things that people do– to spread encouragement, to make note of their kind decisions, and to remind myself not to take people I love for granted.
2) Refusing to repeat the same complaints on a regular basis.
I hate it when things don’t change as quickly as I want them to. Not long ago I wrote about my struggle with waiting, and how much the lack of answers frustrates me. But I’m not going to allow that to shape all of my conversations at the table. I will continue to be honest about my feelings and reflections, but I won’t beat any more dead horses when it comes to my frustrations.
3) Looking back over the past months and years for blessings in disguise.
I love the idea that one misfortune can sometimes carry a hidden blessing, to be revealed at a later time. But I don’t always go back and look for that blessing; instead, I am constantly looking ahead towards what I hope will happen next. I hope to spend more time as months and seasons pass, to be able to appreciate the way that things unfolded and to recognize the good effects of those things.
4) Sharing what I’m thankful for with friends.
Gratitude can spread– and I think it’s an important perspective to bring into our conversations. I am used to discussing struggles and trials with my friends and husband, and that has generally been very effective. But I often forget to share what I am giving thanks for as well, most likely because it doesn’t come to mind as something I should share. Building this habit will help me not only to continually look for areas of gratitude, but to speak them aloud.
The bottom line: gratitude is not natural, but cultivated
If you’re looking to practice more gratitude– for your spirit, your relationships, or even your mental health– I encourage you to think of daily habits you might build to help you get there. We all know that we “should” be more grateful, but few of us know where to start.
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Do you have any gratitude practices currently that you love? Tell me about it!
Cultivating gratitude in everyday life as been really rewarding for me. You’re so right that it is something that you have to actively practice as (unfortunately) we seemed to be naturally wired to the negative. I’ve found that instituting a regular daily practice soon got me into a whole new head space. Practising gratitude in the morning is particularly effective for me – https://moretimethanmoney.co.nz/2015/07/30/starting-as-you-mean-to-continue-gratitude-in-the-morning/
She lives in Ethiopia!
That is awesome!! Thanks for sharing this with me, Alex. It’s so helpful when we have a preset time allocated for gratitude.
Thank you, Susannah!! 🙂 And aw that’s awesome! Where does your sponsored child live?
That is awesome! You’re so right that even though in the moment we’d rather sleep (or attend to something pressing), making time for gratitude pays off when we look back and are able to celebrate!
Thanks for your sweet comment, Lindsay! It’s definitely a process and something that improves with practice!
I started a gratitude journal over a year ago. Sometimes, I just want to go to sleep and not think about the day, but I usually force myself to write something. I started with just a short few lines a day. I always remembered “Oh, yeah, that was a great moment…”
The real pay-off came when I had finished a full month. As a special reward for writing, I would read the post from the month earlier. It was like looking through photos, but better! Now I get to read last month’s and last year’s posts. It’s always worth it….
This is beautiful! Sometimes I get bogged down in what’s wrong and forget that I have so much to be grateful for! PS. We sponsor a kiddo through Compassion too! <3
I’ve heard lots of people talk about how amazing this is! I think Elizabeth Gilbert said somewhere that it’s the one practice that has had the most positive impact on her life. I haven’t started it yet, believe it or not because I feel like I need to go get a pretty jar… =P
The practice that has really helped me the most to cultivate gratitude is the five minute journal method (http://www.fiveminutejournal.com/). I don’t have the actual journal, I just write the prompts in my own notebook and man, does it help me feel centered and awesome. I learned about it from this podcast episode that I love to come back to whenever I’m feeling out of whack: http://fourhourworkweek.com/2015/11/29/magic-of-mindfulness/
What a great message that gratitude has to be cultivated – how true! If we’re just waiting around for it to happen, it’s never going to. I agree with you that it has to be a conscious decision and practiced effort.
Thank you Samara!! I really appreciate you stopping by!
This is so good Daisy!! I love it 🙂 Thank you for sharing 🙂
Hi Mica! Thank you so much for stopping by and reading this. I’m so glad it resonated with you and that you’re practicing some of these in your life already!
Thanks for stopping by Emmie! I appreciate your thoughts here! I think it’s really important to have balance in our perspective– as you say. And positivity is good, but gratitude is even better! Gratitude lends us the ability to be more positive.
Thank you so much Melanie! I am so glad this resonated with you. I have had very similar experiences as you– different results than what was planned, but ultimately they were for my good!
Yes!! This is true. Gratitude really does have a proven impact on our mood. Thanks for being here, Em!
Thank you Annie! Thank you for your sweet words and for sharing your thoughts! I’m going to start a gratitude journal.
Thanks Jennifer! So glad this resonated with you. I wonder whether you’ve found more/less gratitude as you travel? I often feel more grateful when I’m traveling as opposed to go through my daily grind.
Yes!!! That is so cool what your friend gave you two. What great wisdom there.
Thank you Hannah! 🙂 I repeat the same complaints very often… my husband is so patient but I’m losing patience with myself!
Thank you Brittany!! I so appreciate your kind words here in this space!
I love this so much, Daisy. Your words are beautiful, and I appreciate how you always push me to think about things in new ways. This is my favorite part: “It’s a manner of acknowledging that while nothing is for certain and that we are far less deserving than we seem to think, good things have come our way.” I’m going to hold on to that!
These are all such great points, friend! I think I struggle with #2 – I tend to repeat the same complaints (even in my head) and there are much better things I can do rather than beating a dead horse! Thanks for these helpful reminders!!
A best friend gave us a jar and a stack of note cards. He told us to write down one thing we’re grateful for every day and then, on the weekend, go on a date (dinner, picnic, hang out at a park) and read the past week’s blessings together.
It is amazing how quickly I forget how something wonderful happened on Monday when I am being challenged on Thursday.
I love this Daisy, thank you for sharing. Gratitude is definitely something that has been weighing heavy on my mind lately, but you’re right – it’s not natural and it needs to be cultivated. I love all of these tips and I’ll be definitely be working them into my life. x
This is something I want to give more thought to and maybe form some new habits 🙂 I think you’re very right and I think gratitude leads to happiness. Luckily I’m riding high on positivity at the moment but I want to maintain it and keep a balance. Speaking of looking for blessings in disguise – I always say I would NEVER go back in time to change my present. Every decision I’ve ever made and everything that ever happened in my life has led to good as well as bad.
YES. Gratitude is SO important. It’s something you totally have to work on. I enjoy using my gratitude journal but I love the ideas of exclaiming out gratitude through our words and actions!
I saw an article this week that said something about how negative conversation and constant negativity can literally rewire your brain for even more negativity. Regular gratitude and openly being thankful and loving to those around us can help us to not lead negative lives, and in return, should wire our brains for more positivity!
Your posts are always so thought-provoking and I love your third point – that we should look back sometimes to see which misfortunes actually turned out to be blessings in disguise! I didn’t get into the school I wanted to and at the time that brought me down a lot. But looking back now, I feel that it put me exactly on the path I had to go down and while I do sometimes wonder what if, I am also able to see the good that has come from it and now know that it wasn’t the end of my life – even if it may have felt like that at time! 😉 Have a great weekend!
Such wise words Daisy! I think it’s true as well, you can certainly make a few small changes to focus more on the things you are grateful for in life. I think looking back is a really good thing, as sometimes in the middle of things we don’t see the good, we get too caught up in the bad, but there can be good in every situation and little things to be thankful for.
So wonderful you’re sponsoring a child too! 🙂
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