We love to say this: “I need to (fill in the blank). It will help me de-stress.”
Usually, we fill that blank with some kind of guilty pleasure: shopping, overeating, drinking, binge-watching television, Facebook stalking, Pinterest scrolling, and more.
Last Thursday, I wrote a post about why we need real hobbies and not just side-hustles, but I don’t want the conversation to end there.
When asked how to eliminate stress, many people will tell you to do any number of the activities listed above. Why do we think that stress is something an indulgent activity can eliminate– like an eraser on a misspelled word?
We’ve somehow been fooled into thinking that a momentary pleasure can lift burdens off of our shoulders, as though any intentional action would fail to actually address the problem.
It’s what I call the “treat yourself” mentality.
All of us face stress: we’re up against deadlines, our loved ones are in pain, our to-do lists are endless. This is life– you and I either have struggled, are currently struggling, or will struggle in the future.
It’s strange that our antidote to deal with the challenges of the human condition is to indulge in stuff that’s not really good for us.
[Tweet “The antidote for stress is not to indulge. 10 things that make stress worse via @daisylinshih”]
The biggest problem with this mindset is that these activities usually bring us more stress in the end. More stuff means more organizing. Over-eating means feeling worse about our bodies. Stalking on social media or following celebrity gossip can only make us feel less inspired by our own circumstances. Rants and ultimatums only increase the number of things we wish we never said.
It’s time to understand the “treat yourself” mentality for what it really is. Indulging is not a sustainable solution for real stress. Here’s what I’m committing to avoid when I feel stressed:
10 Things You Should Never Do To De-Stress
1) Shop for new clothes or accessories.
Retail therapy does not work! That rush of excitement from a new purchase fades quickly, and is just another dent in your budget.
2) Rant publicly (on the Internet, especially).
If your tendency is to write a saga for the world to see, slow down. The safest decision is to keep those thoughts from ending up on paper, in an email, or even said aloud. They’re likely not the best representation of you, nor do you mean them 100%.
3) Eat more than you need, or go out when you should stay in.
Eating is comfort, isn’t it? Make your favorite meal or beverage, but be careful not to overeat in an effort to soothe your mind.
4) Read celebrity gossip or anything else that harms someone’s reputation.
What is it about our fascination with someone else’s dirty laundry? Does it really make us feel better? Quite the contrary– gossip appeals to our propensity to envy or judge others, neither of which are good for our stress levels.
5) Make unrealistic travel plans.
Any other runaways out there? This is my guilty pleasure: I surf the web for airline deals and accommodations when my day isn’t going well. These travels are unrealistic for my schedule and budget, so I only end up more upset that life isn’t going the way I want it to.
6) Binge-watch TV shows.
We might feel great (or simply entranced) during the show, but after it’s over we have to face that stress again. On top of the initial stressor, we now know that we wasted hours re-watching something that probably was not worth our time.
7) Get drunk.
We all know this doesn’t really work, but somehow it’s a socially acceptable option. If spending quality time with friends is what this really means for you, then consider an activity that doesn’t involve becoming intoxicated and waking up to a huge headache the next day.
8) Declare ultimatums you don’t mean.
Always and never are seldom true. You’ve likely heard that adage, but it’s hard to really delete those words from our speech or our thoughts. Remember that the emotion of the moment doesn’t have to dictate the way you live the rest of your life.
9) Check or calculate stats, earnings, grades, and balances.
Checking up on our numbers– whatever they may be– is not the way to deal with stress. Numbers are numbers, but their apparent significance is usually heightened when our emotions are already volatile. Leave the reality check for another day.
10) Be reckless.
Our culture appears to be under the impression that a little freedom and a little craziness will help us loosen up. The truth is, however, that real stress doesn’t go away after a reckless decision is made. In fact, recklessness often increases stress; our sense of right and wrong is not so easily moved. Spare yourself the regret and don’t fall into the reckless trap.
[Tweet “10 things I’m avoiding when I’m stressed! via @daisylinshih”]
What to do instead…
1) Make a plan.
Monitoring your stress level is important. If something needs to be done in relation to your stress, then make a real plan of execution and stick to it.
2) Find areas of your life to simplify.
Remove stress from your life that you can so that you can deal with the things that are immovable. Related: 10 Simple-Living Tips For Millennials.
3) Speak up for yourself– respectfully and wisely.
Instead of crumbling under the pressure, ask for help or negotiate a change. Do this in a dignified manner that you won’t regret later.
4) Get your creative juices flowing.
Creativity is a gift we have as humans: the possibilities are endless. Finding a creative outlet can do wonders for your stress level; just make sure it’s a hobby and not a side-hustle.
5) Spend quality time with someone you love.
Date nights with friends, significants and spouses are the best way to get back in touch with your values and sense of self.
6) Explore the root of your stress with a friend or therapist.
As the wife of a future psychologist, I can’t leave this out. Stress can have serious ramifications on our daily lives, and sometimes we need some help figuring out what to do. Find someone you trust who can help you sort through it.
The bottom line: indulgent activities often heighten stress.
The next time you feel overwhelmed with stress, don’t succumb to “treat yourself” mentality. Instead, do what is actually good for you– something that can help lift that burden from your shoulders in the long-run.
[Tweet “10 things you should never do to de-stress– and what you should do instead. via @daisylinshih”]
It really makes me sad for them sometimes. Like they just want to make movies, to be chased down the street and never be able to dine out at a restaurant. I’m sure it was fun at first, but older actors and performers, I’m sure it’s so old. /:
Yes! That definitely helps. My week has been a bit crazy too! Can’t wait for the weekend.
Absolutely! Thanks for reading, Shannon– I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels completely lazy and annoyed after a binge-watching session.
Thank you Heather, I appreciate that. We definitely fool ourselves into thinking these methods of de-stressing work, and play along with them to the detriment of our stress levels.
Thank you Shell! I can relate– shopping when I’m stressed usually doesn’t end very well! 😉
Thank you Adriana! Yeah, shopping used to be my go-to until I realized I was spending money in a completely irresponsible way!
Such a great post to read, and a perfect reminder for me after a busy week! When I am feeling stressed sitting down and simplifying the things around me always help me de-stress.
I definitely relate to this post. I always feel like after a tough day at work going home and binge watching TV is the best idea, but afterwards, I just feel lazy and annoyed that I got nothing done. I need to really work on this and always have good intentions to, but it’s really becoming a focus! Thanks for the boost of motivation Daisy!
Shannon
Clothes & Quotes
This post is wonderful! I tend to de-stress with shopping…NOT A GOOD IDEA! EVER!
-xoxo, Shell
(http://acourageousbeauty.com/)
This is a really great reality check – something we all should know, but never actually gets said. And it’s just so much more convicting and helpful when it is finally said!
Love your idea of this! The shopping one hits home because retail therapy is my thing but it for sure does not fix anything in the end.
Oh girl, I can relate! I measure myself with numbers as well and it certainly is not always productive. Even for those of us who are business-minded and quantitatively oriented, it’s important to remember that we are not the sum of our numbers!
Absolutely– recklessness and impulsiveness give the illusion of freedom, but never actually help us!
Thank you so much, Andi!
LOL never…
I do think that coffee itself doesn’t alleviate stress, but the taste is comforting to me. My husband is a coffee fanatic (as in, we roast our own beans), so coffee is not going away anytime soon 😉
And a creativity date sounds fabulous!! I’d love to do that!
Thank you Mica! I think a “time out” is an excellent way to regroup. Stress is often a sign that we need to rethink our priorities and our choices– sometimes the answer is to just push through, while other times we need to make some changes. Listening to music helps me get to that headspace as well.
Thanks so much for reading, Melanie! I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who sits in front of the computer looking for deals that are unrealistic. I’ve channeled some of that energy towards creating Pinterest boards that inspire me instead– that way I can still get excited about future travels!
And it’s so interesting that you came across someone else saying similar things recently. I think the whole tv-binge-watching thing is a fine activity, but it really does increase stress when we’re on a deadline and don’t have that kind of time to waste. Glad it gave you something to think about! Staying away from these indulgences is also something I’m working on, so you’re in good company. 🙂
Thank you so much for reading, Renee! Yes, speaking up can be stressful in its own right, but usually the benefits outweigh the costs!
Thanks Kat! And short of public ranting I think I’ve done all of these– so you’re in good company.
I’m so glad this helped you out in a real way, Michelle! I hope you’re having a better day today. 🙂
I love this post so much. Admittedly, I’m guilty of doing a few of these myself. I’m definitely going to be keeping your alternatives in mind!
xoxo
Kat
I read this post earlier at the start of my day, which turned into an incredibly frustrating day, and I found myself reaching for my chocolate stash, but caught myself. Thanks for this Daisy!
Thank you Summer! And yes, I find that doing my makeup or nails actually gives me the brain space to think more carefully about what I’m feeling and how I want to respond. So I totally agree with you!
Thanks for sharing that, Kiki. I had a weird relationship with food for a while, and I can understand the exhilaration behind that struggle. I’m so glad you made healthy intentional decisions to change your habits– that’s really amazing!
And yes about the famous people! I don’t understand why we’ve created the culture around celebrities that exists today, but sometimes it makes me pretty sad.
Oh yes! When treating ourselves means doing right by our bodies, souls, and the people around us, then I’m completely on board! 🙂 Thank you for reading, Grace!
Thank you for reading this, Kimberley. I think it’s important to remember that even when we are stressed, we have options!
Yes, it’s such a challenge! We’ve gotten a few things we can make really quickly so that we don’t go out as much.
Oh yes, I think tv-watching can be interactive and even constructive, depending on who you’re with! I enjoy movies with my husband too. 🙂
That’s very true! I think that anything that borders on reckless, though, comes back to bite us in the end.
Absolutely. For people who struggle with chronic stress, it’s really important to deal with it before bad habits and bad health ensue!
Thank you Leah! And yes– we’ve got to channel that anxiousness toward the right direction.
I hear you on the Netflix, Caroline! Oh how many hours have I spent rewatching shows…
And napping is a great choice if you can fall asleep. Power naps can do wonders!
Thanks Audrey! Glad this resonated with you, thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Thanks Kaycie! Yes– college is full of these types of weird de-stressing concepts. I wish I could have done better as well!
Thanks Amanda. Yes, that behavior can feel good in the moment, but often leaves us high and dry afterwards.
Wow! I’ve been there. So glad you found this encouraging– if we can bear our stress better, we’ll feel better about ourselves generally!
This is a really great post, and I agree with you wholeheartedly on all counts. It’s so easy to fall back on Netflix and being mindless when we’re stressed, when maybe we should instead be mindful of how to get us out of a rut. Nevertheless, my favorite thing to do when I’m really stressed is to set my alarm for 20-30 minutes and just try to fall asleep and clear my head 🙂
I love that you not only talked about what NOT to do, but what TO do. This is such a great set of lists, Daisy!
The best tip on this list is def finding the root of your stress with a therapist. i think that is so helpful and a very healthy way of dealing with stress!
I definitely binge-watch TV when I’m stressed, but I think it just depends on the person! What may end up being counterproductive for one may totally work for another!
Creating something or hanging out with Angel are my personal stress-relief techniques. I’ll admit, sometimes hanging out with Angel means cuddling on the couch watching a show, because we really like doing that together. I don’t watch tv by myself, I find that too boring, but doing it together…it suddenly becomes something I look forward to.
When we are stressed we tend to go out to eat. We need to sit and plan our meals better.
Some great ideas. I know that I do some of these things when I have a bad day. A great reminder that I need to do something different than what I normally do. Thanks for sharing
I totally agree with all of these. Although I do believe that you need to “treat yourself” and make sure that you are taking care of yourself (in healthy ways) to relieve stress.
I had never thought of impulse buying as causing more stress later, but of course it does! Such an enlightening post!
great ideas! I wish I had read some of these before I graduated college 🙂 thanks for sharing!
I totally agree with this. Making plans is so much more productive than binge eating or spending money on clothes that will only temporarily cheer you up! It’s so easy to let sad thoughts or depression cloud your judgement sometimes. I’ll have to keep this in mind. 😉
I definitely needed this post today! Just had a terrible sugar binge over the weekend because I was feeling stressed about everything on my plate. I was feeling really convicted about it, but a little at a loss for what to do differently in those moments. Thank You!
I am so guilty of so many of these things, but still so proud at how many I’ve changed. I used to be a binge, stress eater. I wasn’t “fat” but any means, but I was about 170 a year after having a baby and it’s because I had an extremely unhealthy relationship with food. It’s been hard, but just limiting myself to one plate of food at dinner instead of 2 or three has caused be to drop down to 138! I hate exercising besides the obvious running around and playing with my daughter, so a bulk of my weight was totally diet related.
I also stopped reading gossip on line ages ago. I do love some pop culture, so I still read credited sites and don’t sell people out as a “coke addict,” when a photo of them sneezing is captured by a Paparazzi. They are people too, and it’s disgusting we think their privacy and rights should disappear because they are “famous.” /:
These are great tips Daisy! I NEED to work on that shopping one though. (;
http://www.accordingtokiki.net
These are fantastic tips, Daisy! I agree with them all. Although, a new nail polish really does help me channel my stress out, but of course, that depends on what kind of stress I’m experiencing. 🙂
When I am stressed I turn to numbers; in fact just yesterday I was giving myself grades on the areas of my life! You’re right that this is probably not the best way to address stress and just fuels it instead. The next time I feel that urge I will have to stop and think if it will be helpful or detrimental. Thank you for the perspective!
These are all SO true! They may temporarily feel good as a distraction, but the do nothing to help solve the problem (and they often just make it worse!). The common thread I see in these “don’ts” is recklessness and impulsiveness. When we take a second to step back and reflect, we make much better decisions. Thanks for sharing the tips on what to do instead!
LOVED this post!
ok, phew. i thought you were going to say coffee (as i sip my cup) 😉 TOTALLY agree with #4 in the create pile. sometimes i have to force myself to create and i never, ever regret it! bonus points if you schedule a creativity date with a gal pal!
Another great post! 🙂
I was having a bad day the other day and really struggling, so I decided to help myself to a free hot chocolate from our kitchen. I tend to save it as a treat for maybe once a week, but that day I ended up having to have 2 – the second to pick me back up again after the sugar rush from the first one! It was not a good plan!
When I realised it wasn’t working and that I was still struggling with juggling everything, I took ‘time out’ by putting on my favourite music, settling down into a boring task that allowed me to focus on just one thing at a time, and I started to feel much better. The rest of the day was easier to manage! Sometimes I don’t need whatever I think I need at that point in time, I just need some music, something to occupy my mind for a moment and then I’m feeling much better and the rest falls into place.
Away From The Blue Blog
There is so much wisdom in this post, Daisy!! I am totally guilty of making unrealistic travel plans or really just taunting myself with all those trips I could take right now if I didn’t have to do this or that. There’s nothing wrong with daydreaming occasionally, but if this practice just makes you feel awful about what you are in life right now, it is clearly not working.
I actually heard something pretty similar on The Lively Show the other day that was a giant Aha-Moment for me: A guest on the show said that she had many clients that just resort to watching TV when they’re stressed out, which only makes them feel more stressed out, when they really should be focusing on the source of that stress and combat that. And in between that podcast and your post, I almost feel as if someone is trying to tell me something! 🙂
I definitely needed to read this! I have been so stressed out lately and it seems like its never going to go away. Overeating, ranting, & binge-watching tv shows are definitely things I do when i’m stressed. I’ll definitely be taking your advice! Speaking up for myself is something I really need to learn how to do.
Renee | Lose The Road