Have you ever felt that in every situation, the same feeling of stress shows up to overwhelm? Perhaps the actual circumstances are different– and whatever is at stake varies– but you find yourself in the same hamster wheel time after time. If this is you, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and still find myself there.
You see, circumstances can change drastically throughout different seasons of life. But as we allow the same stressors to occupy our minds, they will stick around regardless of any physical changes we try to make.
Stressors are often self-induced.
Isn’t that the most frustrating part? There’s no doubt that we face very real pressures and challenges; but if you’re anything like me, you heap your own set of measures on top of the ones already in existence.
My goal lately has been to identify what those self-induced stressors are, and to let go of them. I’ve come to the conclusion that my mindset is composed of a number of unnecessary standards that only raise my stress levels. In the midst of a busy several weeks, I am trying to let these standards go.
So whether you’re stumbling through your Monday morning, trying to hold it together through grief or suffering, or biding your time as you wait for a transition, consider freeing yourself from any stressors that are already built into your mindset.
5 Common Stressors To Let Go Of Today
1) Rigid efficiency.
One major stressor for me is feeling like every minute of every waking hour has to be efficient. So efficient, in fact, that if I’m interrupted by anything at all, my schedule feels overwhelmed and fractured. I am learning that a rigid sense of efficiency is actually detrimental to my ability to take challenges in stride and continue being productive. If you’re a fan of efficiency like I am, consider what might be behind your miserly understanding of time. Be intentional– but not a scrooge.
2) Control over others.
Most of us would laugh at the idea of being able to control the behaviors of people in our lives. But based on our anxieties and emotions as we navigate those relationships, it becomes clear that we still wish we could control everyone. Control isn’t a bad thing– it just happens to have limits. The only person we can try to control is ourselves, while we can only hope to positively influence those around us. Letting go of the perception, and eventually the desire, to control others will lift a huge burden off your shoulders. Let them be responsible for their actions; and be responsible for your own.
3) Emotional immunity.
Another stressor I tend to wrestle with is the desire to keep my emotional experience under control. Whether my work day was full of disappointments or my frustration with a friend is growing, I often try to keep myself from reacting with copious amounts of emotions. We all struggle with putting our feelings in the right place– not to be ignored and trampled over, and also not to be made king– and this process can induce a good deal of stress. I’m learning to recognize, name, and fully experience emotion, even when I know I’d rather be immune.
4) Misplaced commitments.
This is the major stressor that most people like to talk about. When someone gives the advice that “sometimes you just have to say no,” what they really mean is that our commitments may be misplaced. Viewing your schedule as a reflection of your commitments can help whittle it down to the bare bones of the essential. I consistently remind myself that while I am committed to a myriad of things, I am more committed to a small handful of far more important things. Navigating these boundaries with nuance and intentionality is key to finding where some commitments require follow-through, while others should be dropped.
5) Ruthless independence.
I am currently loving the proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” I’ve struggled with feeling stressed about doing things on my own– without even once considered asking for help or leaning on others. The humble 3-word statement “I need help” can make a world of difference when I’m at the end of my rope. Asking for help also keeps me from ruthlessly bulldozing the interests and emotions of others. In order to go far, we need each other. We need to go together.
The bottom line: identify the stressors in your mindset.
The most insidious stressors are the ones that are built into our frame of reference. We don’t question these standards because, perhaps they’ve always been there; and we allow them to dictate how we feel, behave, and prioritize. Recognizing these things is the first step. The next step is to willingly identify each time these stressors influence us, and begin to tell ourselves a new story.
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I am the biggest stress head, so I’m glad I came across your article. Thanks for this 🙂
http://www.travelmatters.co/
Oh my gosh these are brilliant things to let go of! Guilty of pretty much all of these!
Jabeen x
http://www.spilling-the-beans.co.uk/
Yes, yes, yes! I feel like you totally outed me with #1, but in the best way! Dan would have read that paragraph and thought you wrote it about me. 🙂 For me it gangs up with #2, because when other people don’t show efficiency or a sense of urgency, I get very stressed. I’m learning to take deep breaths and remember that I can’t control others’ actions, and I don’t need the whole world moving at a breakneck pace. How frightening that would be!
Ohh, ’emotional immunity’ is a big one for me, I tend to feel guilty for having any negative emotion and try to bury it without dealing with it and then it can all build up. It’s a difficult process, trying to learn to deal with and balance this stuff.
Thanks so much Alyssa! I’m so glad this resonated well with you. It’s definitely a journey but naming our stressors is the first step!
Thanks so much Kat! Yes I think we prioritize the idea of efficiency so much in our culture that we sometimes allow it to really stress us out!
Good for you! I hope to be more that way!
Thank you, Hannah! That’s definitely the first step!
Thanks Summer. That means a lot! xo
Hey Holly! So glad this resonated with you! 🙂
Thanks Edye! You’re so sweet to stop by!
Thanks so much for reading, Micha! You’re totally right that sometimes anxiety has a crippling effect. It can make us hustle, and it can make us paralyzed!
Thanks friend! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, Emma! You’re exactly right– stress has such a high impact on all our relationships!
These are great! Very relatable!
Ooh… rigid efficiency is pretty close to me. In fact, it’s the thing my boyfriend and I argue about the most. lol! I have a lot on my plate, and sometimes he forgets that I dont have time after work to watch endless tv or play video games 😛
I would actually say today I was overwhelmed by my latest circus show. I was so overwhelmed that I nearly did nothing..
That only adds to the anxiety.
This is a good read! Great points, too. Thank you!
Awesome advice!! Thanks so much for the wisdom <3
Blessings,
Edye // Gracefulcoffee.wordpress.com
Thanks for reading, Jennifer! I still often find myself wishing I could control someone else’s behavior. It also feeds into the desire to be fiercely independent. Grateful to wrestle through this together!
I can completely relate to absolutely everything on this list, but probably the one I’m most guilty of is ruthless independence and trying to control others. I’m definitely working on being mindful of these – thanks for the reminder 🙂
I’m SO guilty of all these things. I stress out really easily over EVERYTHING, and your post was a wakeup call in many ways. Especially when we remember that stress can so strongly affect your relationships and happiness.
Emma | http://www.creativexplorations.com
Wow. Wow. Wow. Each point wowed me lol. Misplaced commitments! Ruthless independence! Emotional immunity! You’ve got a way with words and this was exactly what I need to read today, thank you!
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Thank you for this. These need to be a daily reminder! Love this, so intentional.
This is great, Daisy!! It’s so important to address those stressors we hang onto!!
I am a laid back, easy going person, I don’t stress over things I cannot change and I don’t worry about the little things that go wrong can’t see the point. I also have a habit of thinking will this matter in 6 or 12 months the answer is pretty much always no it won’t so if that is the case why stress over it
I love this! These definitely all resonated with me, but particularly the one about efficiency. I’m a creature of habit, and I always feel this immense pressure to use every second of every day to its full potential. It sounds motivating in theory. But, it often ends up putting a nervous pit in my stomach.
Thanks, as always, for such an honest and insightful post!
xoxo
Kat
This was so good, Daisy! I related to every stressor you pointed out and that proverb you shared is quite good. I’ll do my best to be aware of these in my life and work more actively to recognize and address them as they come.