June 7th, 2014: I remember it fondly.
It was a whirlwind weekend of wedding gatherings, events and lots of amazing food. Loved ones traveled from near and far to celebrate our wedding as friends cheered us on. Nothing could be greater than launching our new adventures with so many blessings and well-wishes.
This past Sunday, Aaron and I celebrated a year of marriage. It’s a drop in the bucket of years ahead, but a drop nonetheless.
Since being married, I’ve become more self-aware. I’ve become more introspective, if that’s even possible, partly due to always having a patient and observant conversation partner. (There are perks to marrying a psychologist!)
And through our conversations, my husband has followed me through thick and thin as my heart faced turmoil of many kinds. We often think that adventures involve trekking to high elevations or swimming deep oceans; but adventures can happen in a small apartment, as one person pours their heart out to the other.
So, our first year has wrapped up, and I want to remember all the highs and lows. Thus, superlatives!
7 Superlatives from Our First Year of Marriage
Greatest blessing this season: making new friends together.
Aaron and I lived long-distance for 4 years: he in Manhattan, I in Boston. So of course, the friends we had were friends with one of us first— and then later introduced to the other. Even at our wedding, there were guests who felt like his friends and those that were mine. So, starting new friendships together has been so much fun. People get to know us as we are, together.
Best meals at home: cooking sous vide.
We’ve been honing our culinary skills for several years now, but thanks to our wedding guests, we’ve been playing with new gadgets. Among our favorites is the sous vide: a technology that cooks food in a vacuum-sealed bag at a precise temperature. And since we rarely eat out, we’ve been making restaurant-grade meals at home. And really, when it comes to cooking fish, nothing trumps the sous vide.
Biggest surprise: the first year is not the hardest.
It’s conventional wisdom that the first year of marriage is the hardest. But, after the relatively smooth year we’ve had, I’m wondering if there will be harder years ahead. I suppose part of our relational peace is due to having braved long distance in the past, while we were dating. Long-distance relationships are hard, but it forced us to deal with many of our issues.
Most valuable lesson: marriage is an entity both within and outside of each spouse.
This is a mystery to me, but it’s true. There’s a difference between being nice to a spouse, and cherishing a marriage. Someone once told us that who we are together— in that sacred “us”– is an entirely different person from who we are individually. And I’ve seen that, hard as it is to explain.
Learning this has helped me to understand that the marriage relationship needs to be cultivated and nourished. It doesn’t just happen because we now live together. Learning to be intentional about our relationship has been both valuable and rewarding.
Hardest challenge to overcome (for me): contentment in Pasadena, CA.
Due to my husband’s schooling, we’re living here in Pasadena. Some of you might be wondering why anyone would complain about sunny California, but it’s just not my first choice place to live.
Learning to not only survive here, but to thrive, to invest, to love and cherish my time here, has been really hard for me. And I can’t help but wonder where I would be if I weren’t married– if Aaron and I had never dated and I were still single today.
I don’t chase those thoughts away, but I have learned that we can all bloom where we are planted. There is need here. There is beauty here. There are incredible, thoughtful and loving people here. And we are here. That’s enough.
Favorite trip: Big Sur, California for my birthday.
We’ve traveled quite a bit out-of-state this year– Paris, Taiwan, Japan, Colorado, and Utah– but my favorite moments were in Big Sur. We stayed in a yurt overlooking the Pacific Ocean, and I just loved waking up there. And while Aaron and I have visited the Central Coast many times now, it is always dynamic, constantly changing. See our Big Sur pictures here!
Most excited for: volunteering together in Ecuador this July!
After our Japan trip, we’ll be spending three weeks in Ecuador at Casa Victoria, a beautiful home that is open to neighborhood kids in Quito. Aaron and I have both spent time volunteering abroad, but never together. In fact, though we both love working with kids, we haven’t done that together either. So needless to say, we are so excited to finally do it.
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Fun post! Very creative. I enjoyed reading 🙂
Thank you Tiffany! Congratulations on half a year of marriage, that’s wonderful!
This is so cute! Congrats on one year!
Shaguna
gold&hearts
loved reading this! congrats on one year! and yes I do think that long distance does help. We had a very long distance relationship yet have been amazed and surprised by the joy of our first year.
So lovely! Really interesting thoughts on thinking about the relationship as a whole rather than just us as individuals. Congratulations on year 1, may there be many more in the future! Alice xx
http://www.woodenwindowsills.co.uk
I absolutely love this! Next week, we will be married for six months and time seems to be just flying by! I can’t wait to do my own superlatives come December! Blessings in your marriage and congrats to one year!
Thank you Chrissy!! I’m so excited for your move and what’s in store for you!
Thank you Lucy! Congratulations on your second year!! There’s a lot that I’ve learned this year– and I’m grateful!
Thanks so much Anna! So glad this resonated with you too. And yes, Pasadena is definitely growing on me…
Congratulations on your first year of marriage!!! This was such a beautiful list! I just moved to Canada with Gary so this is definitely my favourite adventure of ours so far. I can’t wait to find our first apartment together here so we can start to make a proper home!
Chrissy x
http://www.chrissylilly.com
Found you on The Peony Project 🙂
I love the idea of noting superlatives for each year of marriage! What a great idea. We just celebrated our second anniversary. And while it may feel silly to write about marriage from such a newbie standpoint as ours, there truly is SO much you learn and experience in that very first year!! And it deserves to be memorialized. Have a great week, Daisy!
Lucy @ Spirit-Filled Simple
http://www.lucymargaret.com
Congrats again!!! I hope you’re liking Pasadena more now! I lived in other parts of Los Angeles, but always wished that I lived in Pasadena (if it weren’t so far from my work)! It’s such a fun area and when my friends and I get together, Pasadena is always our first choice to hang out in! And I agree that a relationship isn’t a relationship just by the fact that you live together and share finances together. It’s only a relationship because you want to be with each and share all the big and small things. 🙂
Congratulations on your first anniversary! It is so hear to about both the challenges and the victories (: Best of luck with volunteering in Ecuador, I hope you have a fantastic time Daisy!
– Deniz
http://www.dressedupdeniz.com
Thank you Sarah!! Yes, long distance is definitely hard for so many reasons. I can empathize with that!!
Yes, children… I don’t feel ready for kids yet. My husband thankfully loves kids and is really supportive, but I don’t doubt that we’ll clash over something child-related eventually!
Thanks Cassie!! And yes, to be honest I think the hardest thing for me this year had little to do with being married, and everything to do with leaving my community and friends! Being married actually probably made it easier.
Thank you Laura! Congratulations on your anniversary as well 🙂 I know that there will definitely be greater challenges in the future to overcome together.
Thanks Kelly! And haha, I can imagine! It’s been fun to sort of “start over” in a new place together, though we really miss our old friends.
Thanks Nina! 🙂
Thanks girl! I totally agree that marriage takes work, but that doesn’t make it hard to be married. Solid communication skills definitely have helped us– also the ability to stop and actually listen to each other.
Thank you so much Shireen! And congratulations on two years almost– that’s really awesome. 🙂
Thanks Chelsea!!
Thank you Toyin! 🙂
Thank you Rachel! I can’t believe you’re already 5 years in– so great to hear that it’s been a good journey so far.
Thanks Emily!! Congrats on 5 years, friend– that’s certainly a milestone! And I’m glad you understand the less-than-ideal aspects of living in the LA sprawl… 😉
Thanks Ashley!! 🙂 And I can see children posing the newest challenge (and adventure) for us as well… hopefully that’s a few years away!
Yes! every couple’s story is different and worth celebrating.
Thanks Jenna! cheers to you two!
Thank you! 🙂 And glad to hear I’m not alone in the location conundrum..
Thanks!! I can see how the third year could bring more challenges, for sure.
Congrats to YOU, friend! 🙂
Congratulations on your first anniversary! I’ve lived long-distance from my boyfriend for two years so your point on making new friends together had me nodding my head, as did cooking the best meals at home! Sounds like you have an exciting second year ahead of you too.
I think the first year can have its challengers but the real struggle for many comes when they have children dealing with a baby or toddler who doesn’t sleep and still having to do all the things a wife and mother does is hard and some men don’t get how hard it is and that is when the problems arise.
I love this and happy anniversary. I agree about the first year, it’s not super hard for everyone. The year before we got married we moved halfway across the country together- now that was hard!
Congratulations and happy anniversary! Sounds like you have had a great year so far and here’s to many more. I totally agree with you about the first year not being the hardest. We just celebrated our first year together too and it was very smooth sailing as there was nothing to challenge us. I think further into the marriage we will definitely come across challenges that we will have to learn to work together to overcome.
Happy Anniversary! My boyfriend and I are still working on that one, making new friends together. So many of the people we hang out with went to high school with us! And therefore knew us when we were and were with different people. Good old small towns 🙂
How creative! Such a good way to think about and process your year!
What a fun way to reflect on your first year of marriage! I couldn’t agree more with “The first year is not the hardest.” I fully expected it to be based on what I’d heard, but as Dan and I wrap up year 2, I’m still waiting for it to get really difficult! Not that marriage doesn’t take lots of work, because it does. I think having really solid communication skills heading into marriage makes a huge difference. Congratulations to you and Aaron! I hope you have an amazing time in Japan next week!! 🙂
Happy anniversary, Daisy and wishing the both of you many more to come! My husband and I will be celebrating two years marriage in July and we still feel like newlyweds. I think one of the most important thing is to not take things way too seriously and it’s vital to keep a good sense of humour. You and your husband seems to be made for each other and communicate well, that’s another key ingredient to any successful relationships.
Shireen | Reflection of Sanity
I love how you reviewed the year like this–so creative!
Happy Anniversary!!! Seems like you had a wonderful first year and I’m sure that there are many more to come!!!
Thanks, Amanda! xx
Thank you Rachel! 🙂
So true, Kristen! You’re right about having a sense of humor– we need to be flexible in getting used to each other!
These are some great learnings! I’ve definitely grown more as a person during my marriage than any other time, I think you’re forced to confront who you are as a person in a way you can get away with not doing pre-marriage… I agree that the first year wasn’t the hardest, for us it was maybe year 2 where any sharp edges rose to the surface and we had to knock a few corners off each other…! Still, 5 years in and I feel like we’re just getting started. On another note – all your travel sounds awesome! Lucky you!
Happy anniversary and congratulations!! 🙂
I agree that the first year wasn’t that hard… but we’ve been married five years (this July!) and I have yet to experience that difficulty that everyone warns you about. Of course there are challenges that we face individually and challenges that we face together, but it has not been a challenge to be together. Maybe this is what everyone is saying… to just stick it out together and for each other and everything will be ok 🙂
I know exactly how you feel about living in Pasadena girl! It definitely is challenging being so far from everything you’ve ever known. I’m glad you guys have been traveling and enjoying it as much as possible, though. Big Sur is one of those places I’ve been dreaming of but I don’t think it’s going to happen this round!
I think you have excellent perspective on all of this. I’m very interested to see what married life is like for us. Not that I think it will be much different since we sort of did things out of order, but I think you have perfect advice for those things to come. (: And hey, California isn’t for everyone. (;
http://www.accordingtokiki.net
Happy Anniversary! I love these superlatives. Such a cute idea! It’s so fun to look back at the year spent together. Our anniversary is later this month, and it totally snuck up on me! Cheers to many more years!
Congrats! I love your superlatives. I too am dealing with living somewhere that is not ideal for me so I understand your challenge.
Happy Anniversary! Year one wasn’t the hardest for us either…Jordan and I both agree it was around year three. The year where we were both deciding what we wanted our lives to look like, which involved making career risks. It was good to learn how to grow individually, but also as a unit.
Here is to many more years! xoxo
Congrats! We just celebrated our one year, too!
I have to agree that the first year is NOT the hardest… at least for us. Honestly, the first year was just SUCH a blast.
Congratulation to you! xx
Happy 1st anniversary to you both! Sounds like it was a very good beginning to your marriage!
I felt that our first year of marriage wasn’t hard at all!! I think it gets that reputation because during the first year a lot of adjustments and learning takes place. But if you keep a sense of humor and adapt as nessecary, you will do fine! Being married is fun! I wish people wouldn’t scare newlyweds with horror stories about year one!
-Kristen
http://www.pugsandpearls.com