Towards the end of our wedding, I toasted our guests. I wanted them to know how truly special they were. I wanted to thank our dear friends and family for not only celebrating us, but for making us for who we were.
You see, the wedding industry will sometimes insist that the entire wedding is really about the bride: her taste, preferences, beauty, clothes, and general perfection. But those of us who have walked even a day through marriage, or have seen others do so, know that this is far from the truth. The joining of two people is about community. It’s about sacrificial love, and the village that surrounds that love to keep it alive.
Our opening toast…
My husband and I knew that we needed our families, friends, teachers, mentors and leaders in order to be our best selves. Despite the fact that we were, in many ways, leaving one community to join an entirely new one by moving to a new place, we wanted to remember the importance of opening our relationship and our home to others.
Closing toast, given by me.
So, I toasted the guests, our wedding creatives, and our family in order to remind them as well as myself of this truth. Here’s my toast!
Most people think that the wedding is just about the bride. Not this wedding. Tonight is not only a celebration of a lifelong vow and commitment, but also a time of thanksgiving for the village that raised this child and her husband to be the people we are today. Some of you were there when we were just a dream in our parents’ lives; others when we were toddlers; in grade school; the turbulent teenage years as we faced many of our first insecurities and trials as young people; and of course college, the season that formed our deepest desires, wildest dreams and some of our best friendships.
You were there, and you taught us, challenged us, supported us, blessed us, fed us, prayed for us and believed in us. The man and woman you see before you today are proud to have walked with your friendship and mentorship. And as we go forth into this next season– to heal the human heart, to teach the underprivileged, to mentor the children in our lives and to build our own family– we hope you know that our success is yours too. Thank you.
I would also like to raise a glass to all the people who made and are making this incredible night come together. They are not all here, but we could not be more grateful for their thoughtful diligence, creativity and patience. …
And finally, to our parents. Helping us make this wedding happen is only a small part of how we are indebted to you. From our education to our scraped up knees, our broken hearts to our highest highs– you have seen us through it all. You celebrated our victories and made our biggest dreams come true. You lifted up our heads and pushed us to taste and experience real beauty, joy, friendship and service. From the arms we would run to, to the knowing pride and support we cherish– we admire you more and more as time goes by. And we know you are proud to call us your own. Because we our proud to call you ours.
So, needless to say, there are lots of incredible people in this room. One bride, and a hundred fifty of you. So cheers everyone. Tonight is your night too.
Do you expect the wedding to be all about the bride? Or is it more about the people there? I would love to know!
{Read last week’s Wedding Snapshots: Florals and Details}
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate it 🙂
Gorgeous pictures!! Love it
Thank you Laura!! So glad this resonated with you, and I’m really encouraged to know that you did something similar! We definitely wanted our guests to feel honored, and also to remember that good relationships are never in a vacuum!
I love love love this, my husband and I did a similar thing as we did not want this day to be about us but God and the community that supported us our entire lives. That is another reason our number one priority for the wedding was the guests and serving them. I am so glad we did it this way as it puts into perspective what the wedding is really about, two joining together as one along with the entire community surrounding them. What a testimony!
Aw thank you so much, Katherine! We loved our photographers 🙂 And I was surprisingly composed on my wedding day (it was weird!).
So glad to hear that it resonated with you, Jen! Yes, I was blown away by the attention and all the coddling when I was in the planning process. Thankfully we worked with people who learned that they ought to ask both me and my fiance for our perspective, and that we desired to work as a team! And more importantly, marriage is about selflessness, so the bridal narcissism is really unhelpful when it comes to preparing! Good luck with planning, let me know if you ever have questions 🙂
What a beautiful, beautiful wedding! I love the last photo so much! I have yet to get married, let alone, get engaged! I totally agree, a wedding shouldn’t be just the bride or the groom; I definitely feel like it should be about everyone especially about those who have supported the newlyweds! I think if I were to do a toast, I’d probably break down and cry and be so emotional haha!
Katherine Lou
http://www.wanderhour.com
This post is amazing! Were in the midst of planning our wedding, and i feel the importance of including all of our family even when they keep telling me its about me. I keep having to remind them that its also about the groom and our families, and that I’m not marrying myself! This is such a great idea and such an eye opener for many. Your speech was beautiful, thanks for sharing! It really helped me realize that I’m not alone when all keep telling me its about me! thanks!
-Jen
Thank you so much Anna! You are too kind! And yeah, I was surprisingly emotionally stable that day (while everyone else was kind of in tears… it was weird). So glad this resonated with you– I really hope more people realize how important their presence is when they attend a wedding!
Thank you so much Madison!! And I LOVE the thank you note idea… we almost did that for ours too, but ran out of time. That must have been so sweet to receive from you guys. 🙂
Thank you so much Rachel, you are so kind. That means a lot to me. So glad this resonated with you– when we were able to see everyone come together to celebrate with us, we were really grateful.
Aw thank you so much Jaelan, you’re so kind. And that is exactly how I felt– all the wedding vendors were pretty intense about making sure I was happy (and didn’t really care about other people). It’s so strange to me that this type of narcissism is in the wedding industry when a marriage is two people choosing to be selfless… haha. So glad this post resonated with you!
Thank you so much Kiki!! That means a lot to me. To be honest, it was a little uncomfortable to have all the attention of the industry focused on me, the bride! It was almost as though no one wanted me to ever get upset or frustrated… but I soon realized that hosting a wedding and making everything “perfect” was really about all the people there to celebrate. Thanks for reading this, friend!
Thank you so much Jenna! So glad this resonated with you. 🙂
Thank you so much Jasmin, you’re so kind! That means a lot to me!
Thank you so much Tina! You’re so kind. It was so wonderful to be able to thank everyone personally for joining us!
This is absolutely beautiful Daisy! I loved your toast so much, and without even hearing you read it out loud I know it’s from the heart. I don’t know how you kept it together to read the whole thing! And you look so stunning!! I think weddings should be special for everyone invited too because life is a journey and those people in that room were apart of your journey at some point, so they are celebrating with you!
I love this! I never could have made a speech, I was way too nervous! But, we did have a thank you note on each place setting which was fun to do! My dad made a speech thanking everyone though, he’s much more of a words man.
Wonderful post, Daisy. I can not say so enough. I have tears. I agree with you, I think while the wedding is obviously about the couple, it’s also about their families, friends, and community. The couple would not be who they are without them. It’s lovely that you paid tribute to that.
I think I come to admire you more with each post!
We tried to make our wedding about each of us, too. I got a little bit put off when various wedding professionals tried to make the entire day about me. It was absolutely about my groom, too.
I love that you included that toast at your wedding. Friends and family mold us into who we are, and they are absolutely vital in making two individuals who are ready to commit fully to one another. 🙂
Daisy, your speech was lovely! It sickens me to see shows on TV like Bridezillas and even a select few on Say Yes to the Dress. Though this experience is wonderful and focused on the passage of two souls into the next chapter of their lives, it’s also about celebrating those who made that step possible. A lot of us don’t actively think about what our families do for us each day that make our lives run so smoothly. This doesn’t necessarily mean actions, but words can impact us as well. I love what you did to honor your guests and I really think it was such a selfless thing to do. (:
http://accordingtokiki123.blogspot.com/
This is beautiful! While a wedding is a time to celebrate two people who are starting a new life together, it’s also a way to thank and celebrate the people who helped them, encouraged them, and were there for them along the way. I love the idea of toasting your guests. I’ll have to keep that in mind.
What a beautiful toast and stunning pictures once again! You truly are beautiful inside and out 🙂
Jasmin xx
http://www.whatdefinesus.com
You look absolutely gorgeous, Daisy! You are so eloquent and your toast was really well written! I haven’t heard of a bride toasting to their guests before, but it’s such a great and sincere idea!
Tina
http://www.justatinabit.com
Thank you so much Ash!! That means a lot to me. I really wanted to thank people for making it all the way out to our wedding to celebrate with us. Having been to a few weddings myself, it can be quite the trek (and not cheap by any means).
Thank you so much Deniz!! And hahaha Bridezilla is pretty terrible…
Aw thank you Carli!! You are so sweet, so glad you enjoyed this post 🙂
Thank you so much 🙂 I really appreciate you stopping by!
Yes. I think the celebration can be quite meaningful when done well, but when it’s just a slew of obligatory traditions, it’s really not so great.
Thank you so much Sarah! So glad it resonated with you, thanks for stopping by!
Thank you so much Robin! That means a lot to me 🙂
Thank you so much Alice, you’re so kind! I really appreciate you stopping by.
Thank you so much Rachel!! That is so great that you got photos of them; the candids are my personal favorite! And I’m glad to hear that you still like looking back on them, because we really prioritized good photos too 🙂 I was so glad to also see photographs of moments in the wedding that I didn’t see in person!
Thank you so much Nabihah!! It really meant a lot to me that so many people were coming to celebrate with us, so I really wanted to make them feel special 🙂
Beautiful toast. I would love to attend a wedding where the bride toasts the guests…you rarely see that. It was a very admirable thing for you to do. Also, your dress is absolutely gorgeous.
Loved your toast! I agree, especially programs like Say Yes to the Dress (which I love), Bridezilla (which I hate) make it seem like the wedding should be all about the bride! I don’t think so!
– Deniz
http://www.dressedupdeniz.com
What great insight into what weddings are all about! This is such a great perspective on it. You were a beautiful bride!
xo, carli
http://www.puppiesandpolkadots.com
Thank you so much Emily! 🙂
Thank you so much Jess! I really appreciate it; so glad this resonated with you!
Aw thank you Shireen!! You might be a tough lady but I know you have a soft heart 🙂 And your words are so kind, always. So glad you enjoyed this post!! 🙂
Thanks Sarah!! 🙂 And yes, it’s pretty crazy; bridezilla does not come from nowhere! So many people in the industry are just about pleasing the bride, making her happy, and helping her look like a goddess. And while those things are nice, it’s not what a wedding should be about (and God knows, a marriage can’t be about the bride!). So glad you agree, girl! 🙂
wow these are such beautiful photos! I agree, the wedding is not just about the bride!
http://www.footnotesandfinds.com
Weddings, to me, have always seemed more like a spectacle for the guests than for the actual couple…but I love them still. (Though, I would absolutely elope if I could)
Such a beautiful story and so true!! Adore this reminder.
xx Sarah | Loser Girl Wins
This is a great reminder of focusing on what’s important – not just yourself, but everyone else too! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Totally agree that a wedding is not just about the bride! You looked beautiful though!
The
Velvet Black // UK Style & Beauty Blog
What a great perspective, and one you don’t hear often enough lately! My husband and I said, from the beginning of our wedding planning, that we wanted to plan our wedding with our families and guests in mind. I especially asked our photographers to take a lot of candid shots of our guests, because I wanted to remember who was there. I’m so glad I have those pictures now–two of the guests at our wedding have since passed away, old family friends who I wouldn’t otherwise have had photos of!
Aw thank you so much Charity!! And you are so right! I was blown away while we were wedding planning how much all the vendors tried to please me– just me! They often expect the bride to have a dream wedding in her mind and to be extremely self-involved… haha! So glad you enjoyed this post 🙂
I absolutely loved that toast! You’re so sweet for making what everyone says is YOUR special day about the people you love! It’s really lovely and inspiring to see such kind and selfless people like you 🙂
thesundaywardrobe.blogspot.com
This is so beautiful, thanks for sharing! http://meowemily.blogspot.com
Yes! I 100% agree with you that it’s about the family and friends that have supported you throughout the whole process and life! Loved your toast! You are awesome!
Oh Daisy, the toast is so beautiful, I actually had tears in my eyes and that’s a hard thing to do. I’m trying to be a hardcore b*tch here. *sob!* You and your husband make such a beautiful couple, thank you for sharing this. Hugs!
Reflection of Sanity
Aw that toast is so sweet! And it’s definitely not all about the bride – I mean, what??? Don’t get me wrong, there will be elements of the “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” mentality, but it’s a marriage not a celebration of a woman’s existence haha. I always say that the ceremony is for my spouse and I, and the reception is for those who came to the ceremony/have been there through our relationship – like a thank you! So we’re on the same page. Love it!
– Sarah 🙂
http://www.thecrownbijoux.blogspot.com
This is absolutely gorgeous Daisy…from your dress to your heartfelt toast! No, I don’t expect weddings to be all about the bride because I think it is a celebration between two people coming together and everyone who supported them throughout their lives.