I’m going to tell you part of my story today.
Ever since I was two or three, I loved the idea of being pretty. I wanted long hair, earrings, and dresses. There’s little explanation as to why I was so conventionally “girly;” my mother didn’t push those ideas onto me and I watched very little TV. Still, I dreamed of being a princess and looking beautiful everyday.
For a short stint in elementary school, I tried being a tomboy. It didn’t really work. That’s all I have to say about that.
And for most of my teenage years and into college, I cared deeply about dressing well. I subscribed to promotional emails from fashion houses, cosmetics companies and every department store I had ever frequented. I shopped often and spent a lot of money. I was basically addicted.
No matter how many times I changed my image– from Free People boheme to Ann Taylor polish– I never felt like I had gotten there. I always wanted more.
I didn’t fall into a full-on eating disorder, but I did secretly diet and on occasion skipped meals in my teenage years.
Like many other young men and women, I sought to find my identity in my image. I sought to find myself in what others thought of me. I sought to be perfect.
The first time I thought about looking away from the mirror– for good– was when I volunteered with my church in Asia, about 10 years ago. I had always wanted to work with under-privileged children, but I didn’t think for a minute how they would have an impact on me. Fascinated by me and my cohort of Asian-Americans there to teach English, these kids adored us from Day 1. But I didn’t want to point to ourselves as the shining beacon of hope for them. I wanted them to see someone else: Jesus. I wanted them to follow the only perfect human who ever lived; the one who restored humanity to its original state– courageous, peaceful, compassionate, generous, and beautiful beyond definition.
And from then on, I’ve had a voice nagging in my head: when will I stop obsessing over my image? When will I realize that, if I don’t see myself as the end-all-be-all of hope for others, then why do I worship my own image as though I were?
My decision to shrink my closet
Simple living is not an end in itself. It’s a decision to focus solely on the things that matter most to us. Simplicity is what helps me remember that I’ve chosen no longer to worship my own image.
Why do I want to stop obsessing over how I dress? Why have I jumped on the capsule wardrobe wagon, and decided to accumulate less stuff?
It’s because I’ve seen LIFE on the other side of it all. I’ve seen how brave I can be when I’m not entrapped in insecurity. I’ve seen how generous I can be when my shopping bag is empty. I’ve seen how selfless I can be when I’m not constantly trying to look my best.
I like that side of myself. I want that side of myself to become my whole self.
[Tweet “I decided to simplify my closet because I’ve seen LIFE on the other side of it all. via @daisylinshih #minimalism”]
When I stop obsessing over my image…
I become more aware of the need that is around me.
I am less inhibited by the fear of failure, and more motivated by faith and courage.
I care more for those who love me and less about how they make me look.
I give openhandedly and don’t worry about how much is left for me.
I lower my expectations and find more joy everyday.
I realize that I am rich in many ways.
I feel less compelled to compare my life with others.
I am empowered to start living in a way that matters.
An ongoing journey
There’s not a certain way that this has to look. I’m not tossing aside my desire to be put-together or to dress appropriately for various occasions. What I am tossing aside is the endless appetite for stuff that promises to make me feel better about myself.
[Tweet “I am tossing aside the endless appetite for stuff that promises to improve my image. #minimalism”]
Because the truth is, this stuff has failed me for 24 years. This stuff has never delivered on its promise. It’s like the minus stew they ate in The Phantom Tollbooth (anyone else love that book?!). The more I ate of it, the hungrier I became.
And as I write and think more about what it means to live simply, I am reminded of how much better life is on the other side of self-obsession. It’s on this side of it that I want to stay and thrive.
This was one of the most beautiful things I’ve read in a long time. Thank you for sharing your heart and being an inspiration to others who struggle with this. (aka me) <3
Thank you Christine!! I so appreciate your comment and am really glad you can relate. Please stay in touch!
What a great post! Simplicity is really a beautiful thing. I’ve been spring cleaning and de-cluttering my life. My mother was a very simple and humble person and I wan’t to be more like that 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Kaycie! I’m so glad you’re starting a simplifying journey!
I love this post! 🙂 I am starting my process of simplifying as well and this post was so encouraging to me! Thank you for sharing, and you’re beautiful!
Thank you Betsy!! Yes– cultivating habits of simplicity has actually given me more time to love those around me, including my husband!
Thanks Chelsea!!
Thank you so much Michelle! That’s really encouraging. 🙂
Thanks Amanda!! I really appreciate your comment and I’m glad this resonates with you. It’s hard to let go of things our culture says we should chase after. We’re in this together!
Thanks Rachel. You’re exactly right: “new and better and more” can be absolutely soul-sucking.
Thanks Deniz! And I can understand that! 🙂
Great post, Daisy! I’m working on simplifying as I prepare for marriage and I’ve been struggling to find the motivation to do it…thanks for the push!
I love this so much.
Beautiful! This is inspiring and yet, a challenge for many…including myslef! Thank you for sharing where you are.
I found your blog by happy accident and this entry rings so true with me. I’m a lot older than you and yet I’m still trying to find my identity by buying into the consumerism that consumes (excuse the pun) almost everyone around me.
Thank you for posting this and giving me a reality check about what is actually important.
Yes, ‘The Phantom Tollbooth’ was an awesome book. And I really appreciate this post. I, too, have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be known for a life of spending my money on myself–of having a swoon-inducing closet. I really, really enjoy the clothes that I have, and I’m looking forward to getting some new ones for my birthday this week…but while I enjoy them, I certainly don’t want the pursuit of new and better and more to overtake any part of my life.
This is such a great post, Daisy. I’m afraid I don’t think I’ll be able to shrink my wardrobe anytime in the near future, but it was certainly wonderful to hear about your experience (:
– Deniz
http://www.dressedupdeniz.com
Thank you Meryl! I’ll definitely take a look at your capsule wardrobe!
Thanks Joy, I really appreciate that! And I’m glad that you can relate– owning less clothing has made me happier too!
Yes! It’s important to evaluate the importance of clothes… my goal is not only to spend less but to own less! 🙂 Thanks for reading, Jo-Anne, I appreciate it!
Thank you so much Mandi! I’m so glad to hear that you’ve started living more simply as well. And I definitely hear you on Hollywood– I moved to SoCal last year and the culture is quite different! Thank you for reading, friend!
Thanks girl!! That means a lot coming from you! 🙂 I have to say, the hat was a great buy here in super sunny Ecuador (ahem, equator)!
Thank you so much Julia! That means a lot to me!!
Ah thank you so much Brittany!! That means a lot to me. I can imagine that pregnancy brings those challenges and struggles right back. And I totally agree with what you’d add to this– that is so true! When I’m stuck on myself, I have a hard time truly seeing others.
Thanks girl!! That means a lot, and shrinking my wardrobe has really helped me!
Ah thank you Katie!!!
Thanks Heather! I really appreciate you reading this. I’m so glad that this resonates with you!
Shireen, that means so much to me. Thank you for your support and for reading this blog. <3
Ah thank you so much Julie!! God has been teaching me the exact same things. 🙂
So glad you can relate to this, Mica! I really appreciate your support 🙂
Sometimes it’s not so much about the rules of a capsule, and more about simplifying and de-emphasizing the role that fashion plays in our lives!
Thanks for this post. I just created my own capsule wardrobe (which I posted on my blog) and the benefits of doing so that you listed really resonated with me. I’m trying to focus less on my own image and just stick with what I really need rather than what I think I have to have next.
This is such an important message. I had many of the same issues you had – clothes and styles are never fulfilling! I am so happy with my minimal wardrobe. What’s important to me is found beyond the closet.
I like to dress nicely but I don’t like to spend a lot of money, I have a lot of clothes but I buy of the clearance racks I can’t see the point in paying a small fortune for clothes there are more important things to spend money on, I also like to have a clean out once a year and give away stuff I don’t wear any more
oh this is so so beautiful <3 such true words & sentiment. I've started living more simply too. Coming from a background in the entertainment industry in Hollywood I fell into the image/fashion trap many times over and am glad i see the value in real things now more than ever before. Thanks for sharing <3
Ah thank you so much Carly! I’m so glad this resonated with you, and that you have also come out the other side to live a more full and adventurous life! 🙂
These are my new favorite images of you — this outfit is adorable! Breaking the fast fashion/consumer mindset Westerners are immersed in (from day 1) is super difficult. The first step is realizing there’s even a problem happening — and that you have other options. Stories like this are so helpful! Bravo Daisy on this personal and powerful post!
http://www.threadandbones.com
Oh wow, wow, wow. This majorly challeneged me and made me think! Thank you for sharing!
Yes, this! I have to be honest that I am still learning and relearning to let go of my “image.” I was really surprised at how much pregnancy has caused me to be tempted by the old habits, probably because as I see my body changing I feel the need to control something about the way I look. I love all your “When I stop obsessing over my image” phrases, and one that I would add is “I start seeing other people for who they are, instead of focusing on myself.”
I am totally all for this minimal wardrobe idea! And you truly have the best perspective on it all. You’re doing this capsule not just to follow the trend, but for absolutely all of the best reasons.
Sooo good!!! Loved this, thanks for the inspiration girl!
I loved this! I always knew I needed to keep the focus off of my own image, and really struggled to do so, especially during my first couple years of college. Your phrase “When will I realize that, if I don’t see myself as the end-all-be-all of hope for others, then why do I worship my own image as though I were” really hit the point home and should be able to help anyone in the struggle to overcome image-obsession 🙂 Thanks!
You’re so wise at such a young age, Daisy and I love and respect your wisdom which should be adopted by many, myself including. You’re right about it just never seems to be enough. There’s always more to buy, to try to look good and feel good but it’s all temporary. Wise words to live by indeed.
Shireen | Reflection of Sanity
This post is so full of wisdom and everything I have been trying to learn lately! I was the same way as you, constantly buying more and more and not thinking twice about it. I’m so thankful that the Lord is teaching me to simplify and live with less so I can be more to others. Oh, and I love the Phantom Tollbooth! 🙂
I can relate to the constant shopping to attain some kind of perfect ideal! And the thing is, you never reach it you just get overwhelmed and frustrated trying to figure out what to wear from all you have bought, and decide it’s hopeless…and go out and buy more things!
I haven’t tried a capsule wardrobe (my poor ability to pack successfully for a trip puts me off!) but I am trying to downsize and reduce what I own. There is no need to constantly buy to feel good about yourself.
I’m so glad your capsule wardrobe is working for you! 🙂
Away From The Blue Blog
Wow Daisy. This article is so beautifully written and so profound. As a girl who spent many, many years obsessing over my image, I felt I can relate to your own struggle with it. I have found such comfort in embracing a simpler way of life too, more minimalistic and focused on the things that actually really truly matter to me. I’m so grateful to have come out the other side of it too! Xx