As diplomatic as my writing voice (usually) is, I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum when it comes to lifestyle choices. And by that I mean that I’ve rarely bent to the culture around me.
Being naturally introspective and determined has led me to be intentional about my steps from a young age. In each season of my life, I’ve carried on with decisions that have impressed, disappointed, shocked, amused, or even challenged the people in my life.
My history with breaking the “rules”
Choosing to live by conviction comes at a cost. My mother taught me well when she made me switch schools at what seemed like an inopportune time. I was at the top of my class (I may have actually peaked in elementary school…), loved by my friends, adored by my teachers, and generally quite pleased with myself. Too pleased, perhaps, when she had me apply to a different school. My following year was so challenging that I often wanted to cry– but I myself had made the switch out of conviction. My old school was too competitive, my mom said, and I needed to have a life. I needed to enjoy learning again. I needed to stop learning simply to win. I agreed with her.
Fast forward to high school and I was a strange bird among my friends. I didn’t cram for the SATs, I didn’t pull all-nighters, and I chose not to apply to every top-10 school in the nation. After a surprising turn of events, I told Harvard to postpone my admission so that I could go work at an addiction-recovery community in New Hampshire, fresh out of high school. Instead of going straight to college, I went to work in rehab.
A year later, as a member of the Class of 2014, I made all the choices that my classmates didn’t. I chose to leave empty space in my schedule. I took classes that were weird and fascinating. I was committed to spending summers at home with my family, and I was determined to work with children. I didn’t care how much I was paid, or whether others thought my future job was admirable enough.
At 24, I married my best friend, whom I had been dating since high school. This was absolutely abnormal for the people I grew up with, and the people I graduated with. We were the first of our friends to get married, and our wedding was not without its quiet but earnest skeptics. Another stroke of conviction, another step against the grain.
I share my story because I want you to know where I’m coming from. My story, like all others, is one of successes and failures. There is only one thing that might make my story unique: my decision to base my choices on conviction from the very beginning. I wasn’t about to let other people tell me how to live.
The post-college season and dealing with disapproval
The real reason why I’m writing this is not to share the above exposé. I want to encourage you today, wherever you are, to stand confidently behind your choices.
As millennials, we’ve come into the spotlight as we choose our first (or second or third) jobs, live on our own (or with our families, friends or spouse), and navigate the sweet and sorrowful season of “real adulthood.”
In all of our vulnerability we also become the target of scrutiny. Most of this comes from well-intentioned individuals who desire the “best” for us– however that may be defined– and who will have no qualms in expressing that we are making all the wrong choices. Perhaps from a career standpoint, they’re right. Perhaps from a relational standpoint, they’re also right.
But here’s the thing that no one can take away from us: our conviction. I believe that this generation is asking questions that haven’t been asked for decades. We work not only for financial stability, but for value. We dream of not only career success, but career impact. We want not only what is true, but what is good.
[Tweet “Here’s the thing that no one can take away from you: your conviction.”]
Why your lifestyle says more than your career
What many people don’t realize is that a lifestyle is not determined by a career. Rather it’s the opposite– your career should be determined by your lifestyle.
Your lifestyle, simply defined, is how you desire to live. It’s who you desire to connect with. It’s how you choose to share yourself and your resources. It’s what you’re passionate about and how you pursue that passion. It’s the choices you make from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep.
An intentional lifestyle choice is a sign of conviction.
Meanwhile, your career falls somewhere into that lifestyle. Some careers might be off the table due to moral convictions; other limitations might be set by the location of the people you love, or the access you want to the things that you love.
So while many of us are losing our heads over finding the right career, or perhaps shielding ourselves against flaming arrows of disapproval, what we really need to ask ourselves is what matters most to us. What kinds of people do we want to be? How will our daily actions shape who we become?
Jobs will come and go. Our careers will be judged by others, and deemed to be great successes or perhaps just average. We might achieve recognition in our field, or go unnamed or unnoticed forever.
But what remains in the end is how we chose to live. What matters is whom we touched, and how they were made better by our influence.
The road to no regrets
Choose your lifestyle before others choose it for you.
Living by conviction despite disapproval is hard– believe me, I experience this much more as college graduate than I ever did as a student. But I don’t have regrets, at least not yet, because I still fully stand behind every decision I’ve made.
As individuals with agency and autonomy, we get to decide what really matters to us, and whether that changes how we live. Let’s not let this privilege go to waste.
So even as you and I wrestle for the next step in our professional path, let’s remember this: what lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. (Thanks, Emerson.)
[Tweet “Why your lifestyle speaks louder than your career via @daisylinshih #livewithintention”]
Wowowow… so good. During college, it’s always seemed like a choice between lifestyle and career, but this is a good reminder not to conform!
I want to jump in and say YES YES YES to everything you’ve written here, but the realist in me asks, if I went ahead and chose my lifestyle, not just my career, would I have been able to support myself? I kind of feel like the answer is no. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the lifestyle I have right now if I hadn’t made the career choices I made. If that makes sense. I guess there’s a balance and a give and take to it all.
At times I’m not sure I completely relate to millennials. I mean…I know I am one (born in 86) but my parents were the oldest of all of my friends and they began parenting in the late 70s. I feel this way until I realize attributes such as giving patterns, holding true to our convictions, desire to collaborate etc are very true to millennials and me.
I think it’s amazing you knew your ideals from such an early age.
Chya. I was always the type to go off in a world that didn’t seem to make sense to anyone else. I became a vegetarian at 13 for animal rights. All those people that made fun of me have either tried to be a vegetarian through their own choice, or are one now. Along with that example, many different things that I tend to flow against the grain. I just refuse to believe that the life we live really is meant to be super chaotic and poorly organized.<3 Someone understands!! 🙂 I'm MaybeMicha.com… visit me sometime!
I really identify with this! In high school I was voted “most likely to be successful” and now I’m training to be a missionary. I might see that as success, but I’m sure many people from high school (and maybe even my parents… who knows?) think I am throwing my expensive, liberal-arts education away. I haven’t met a lot of the disapproval head-on, but I choose to be openly positive and excited about what I’m doing so that they know I have no doubts.
Wow, Jennifer! What a testament you are to following your dreams and pursuing what matters to you! It can be hard to give people a sense of where we’re at in a short “elevator pitch,” but life is not an elevator pitch– it’s dynamic, it’s an adventure, and it should be characterized by everything we care about!
That’s good to hear, Emma. These types of transitional seasons can be really tricky, but the fact that they’re a transition means that we’re on our way to more clarity!
Thanks Elise! I’m glad you came around to it though! 🙂 I did follow a lot of herds in high school– shopping for one!
That’s great, Kelly. It’s a process for all of us to figure out what it is that we can do for our lives to line up with our values. We can’t always do that perfectly, but it is something worth striving for.
Shireen, Thanks so much for your kind words! I do try to resist the crowd, but only when necessary! 😉
Yes absolutely! I struggle with this too. People are always so expectant when they ask college graduates what they’re up to– and then they’re troubled when their answer isn’t something that’s immediately easy to comprehend. It’ really is a balancing act, but I’m determined to believe that if I can actually believe in what I’m doing, then at least my time isn’t wasted!
YES! Jenna, I’m so with you. I’ve been in the process of figuring things out too– what I truly love, the kind of life I want to lead, and how I want my time to be spent on a daily, weekly, even yearly basis. It’s so important to think about these questions, because it’s easy to lose control or surrender it to others that don’t deserve that kind of power over us!
Devra! Thank you so much, I’m so glad you enjoyed this post. Like you, we try to live simply and pursue things that matter most to us (which aren’t things!), and live a life that is FULL of good memories. 🙂
I’m so glad you made that decision, Brittany! We have to find the balance between doing work that matters, and living a life that matters. It can get tricky, but I love being on this journey of figuring it all out. Glad to have you on the journey with me!
Thank you for reading this, Morgan! 🙂 I appreciate it!
Thank you Anna!! Thanks for reading. 🙂
Absolutely, Lauren! I love that you made those choices then and are making it now as well. I also strongly believe that our actions shape our desires. The more we pour into others, the more we’ll want to. I want a lifestyle that’s going to make me the kind of person I desire to be!
Ah thanks girl! high fives!!
Aw Rachael! That is so kind of you. And yes, working in addiction-recovery was a strange but wonderful year in my life.
Monica, I completely agree with you! We have agency and autonomy– this isn’t free or for granted– and we shouldn’t let that privilege go to waste.
Jessica, I completely agree with you. It’s almost paradoxical– chasing authenticity, all for display, seems to cheapen that authenticity and make it fake. But then again, when turning a profit is the bottom line, everything else seems to revolve around that, doesn’t it? We’ll gladly redefine whatever it is we cherish most, just to sell it to someone else. It’s a sad repackaging of what we hold dear, in an attempt to “make money doing what we love”– when I’ve always held that there’s rarely a direct translation between what you love and making money.
Anyway, I appreciate your words. I fell into blogging having no idea that it would help me examine and strengthen that sense of conviction that makes everything else seem worthwhile– but it has! thanks for being here. xo
Yes! I think that careers do matter, but they can become so controlling of all other aspects of our lives. I’ve just seen so many people complain that their lives aren’t what they want them to look like, and so much of that is due to their career. I’m sure there’s something out there that could work for you and D– I myself don’t know though, we’re sort of stuck here in Pasadena for now!
YES. Girl, I can tell you march to the beat of your own drum as well. I love that you’ve done so, because you’ve been able to write and create inspiring content that’s making a real difference in this world! So many of our intentional decisions have led to good things for us and for other people.
A big HECK YES to this post. I feel as though I’ve gone against the grain in so many ways in my own life as well, and it’s always encouraging and inspiring to read stories of others who have taken the same (sometimes harder) path. I ended up graduating college early at 21 because I couldn’t wait to start working (everyone thought I was insane), buying a home at 22, getting married shortly after my 23rd birthday (many couldn’t understand why since we were still so young), quitting my full-time and stable salary office job to pursue freelance work from home at the age of 23 (many thought I was insane), and then having a baby at 24 (they probably caught onto my lifestyle by then 😉 ). It has paid to go against the grain every single time and do what I thought was the right choice for me, even if many of my friends and family disagreed with my decisions. I feel like I’ve most absolutely chosen a lifestyle over a career, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!! Fabulous post Daisy!!
Thanks for sharing your story Daisy! In always amazed that you were brave enough to go after what you want from a young age. I grew up with the moto drilled in me that I needed to have a good career in order to have a good life, so I did that for a while, and well… you know what happened next ;). But actually just the other day, D and I talked about our lifestyle and career and we’re still trying to figure it out. We want to keep on traveling but we will need to find additional sources of income also. i know teaching in a foreign country is always an option for me but I know that won’t be a career. So I’m now in the process of figuring out a new career that will allow me the same traveling/nomadic lifestyle.
Daisy, this is a beautiful post — I just want to give you and your mother a big bear hug.
I haven’t been keeping up with blogs and been quiet on my own blog for a while now because I feel like while everyone is the blogosphere and on social media is chasing after “authenticity” – these platforms have never been less authentic. Our lives are not supposed to all look like the same insta-celebrities feed; they aren’t supposed to fit into one of twenty categories; we don’t live and die on google analytic, and brands have no business dictating our lifestyle so they can sell things to us. These platforms started off encouraging expression and now in a chase for followers and likes and money there’s a depressing homogeny to it all.
Fortunately there’s Simplicity Relished – breathing fresh air into a stale environment with each and every post and encouraging people to be weird, to be different, and most of all — to be true.
XO
This is such an honest post, thankyou for sharing!
I am currently trying to figure life out, I am living with the parents at the age of 31 (which I am sure gets me judgement from a lot of people) to try and save money, this is due to some stupid choices I made when I was younger trying to keep up with others and I now wish I had read an article like this then!
Well done on making your lifestyle about you and what makes you happy, I think a lot of us need to know that it’s about making ourselves happy and not just having a career to define us. I am making a lot of changes in the next year that I have planned and am I sure everything is going to work out – not at all but I am damn well going to try my best to get the lifestyle I want!
x
Love this and I wholeheartedly agree! All through high school and university I was incredibly success driven; I had some amazing internships, I did well academically and I definitely think I was on path to have a really ‘successful’ career.
However, I surprised everyone and decided to take a break from school to go travelling. I ended up migrating to Australia and I never finished my degree. Now I’m 34 years old and I have no real ‘career’ to speak of, but I have a lifestyle (and a life) that I absolutely love. I’m not saying that having a career is intrinsically good or bad, but it was really empowering to accept myself and realise that what I do for a living does not define who I am.
Thanks so much for sharing this because I think it’s SUCH an important message, especially for young people. Don’t waste you life living someone else’s dreams! 🙂
Absolutely love this! Words of wisdom, chica!
Morgan
http://www.eenymeenyminymorgan.blogspot.com
I think we are so blessed to be able to choose a career based on the type of lifestyle we want to have and according to our convictions. There are so many people around the world who don’t have the opportunity to really choose these things. For many people around the world, it’s about surviving. Because we have been given this opportunity we should wisely and carefully choose in the exact ways you’ve presented! 🙂
You are such a talented writer. I really loved this piece (and then went back and read about your work at an addiction facility. You are seriously awesome).
“We work not only for financial stability, but for value. We dream of not only career success, but career impact. We want not only what is true, but what is good.”
YES!!
I relate to this a lot. I remember being that same way in high school and college. My school had such a culture of people going crazy and studying for hours and hours and I’m so glad I made the choice to spend time with people and volunteer with a ministry I loved! We try to do the same thing now and choose blank space in our schedule over adding another activity or job, even though that might give us more income. It’s so important to shape our lives in a way we love and believe in and I’m so glad you’re encouraging people to do that!
YES YES YES 100000x yes. I am just realizing this over the past year that choosing your lifestyle is more important, not just a career. After experiencing burnout by trying to go with the grain TOO much, and push myself to get to that next level TOO quickly, I realized that I may not be suited for the future I thought I was going to have. These days I’m reevaluating my lifestyle and trying to figure out how my career can complement it, rather than dictate it.
I wish someone would have told me this 10 years ago! So many of my decisions were made without considering the long term and what kind of lifestyle they would promote. If only I would have had encouragement and embraced the entrepreneurial calling after high school.
It’s so refreshing to see someone as young as you who are confident and sure about herself instead of blindly following the crowd. You’re wise, Daisy and I wish I have your confidence and wisdom when I was your age.
Shireen | Reflection of Sanity
I totally agree that choosing your own path, not defined by career, is essential to your happiness. Acting on this conviction is what I struggle with because I do crave that approval from my peers and family as well. As always, it’s a delicate balancing act that I am just figuring out along the way!
You put into words what I have been feeling for so long! In the past few years I have had and left several jobs and changed my mind about what I wanted to do quite a few times. I came to realize that was really important to me was the type of life I wanted to live, and I needed to make my career fit with that.
I couldn’t agree more!! This is exactly why I changed careers last year. I had a vision for the lifestyle I wanted to live, that would be healthiest for me and my family, and my career path at the time did not align with that. So now, yes, I’m in a career that is a better fit for me in general, but that was born out of the desire for a totally different lifestyle. Also, I just loved reading more about your story and how you got to this point!
Daisy! I just loved this so much! Thanks for the encouragement.
I completely agree with you! We make just enough between the two of us, but neither of us are spending large amounts of time pursuing every opportunity that would pay more because we don’t want to make a career move that will throw us off the path of the kind of life we want.
Sure it takes money to realize some of your dreams, but money is also an enticing vixen who knows how to make you think that you never have enough. And more important than an overflowing budget is an overflowing heart.
So we invest our lives in living simply, pursuing our dreams, and having time to not miss the opportunities to make memories and make the most of the present.
ps… i love your blog. every time I read it i think “Yes! She gets me!” I also admire your authenticity.